Surviving The COVID Holidays

Guest Post By: Jessica Leader, Associate Marriage & Family Therapist

Yesterday, on my weekly Wednesday walk with a friend (socially distanced, of course), the conversation naturally turned to Thanksgiving and how we’re spending this holiday season. This particular friend is in recovery from an eating disorder and substance abuse, and holidays already bring up a lot of triggers for her. This year, however, it would be even more stressful. She had made the decision with her family on the East Coast to spend Thanksgiving separately, so she’d be on her own for the holiday for the first time. Talking to this friend and realizing that I was in a similar predicament myself about visiting family had me questioning how I can best support my clients, my friends, and myself during this unprecedented holiday season

The holidays can bring up stress, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms during a “normal” year. In a pandemic, these can be exacerbated to the point of overwhelm. So how can we take care of ourselves during this time? I’m figuring it out with all of you. However, I have the luxury of getting a window into the lives of so many individuals on a daily basis. In therapy at the moment, there is a sense of universality that I’ve never experienced before. I’m learning coping skills and self-care tips for the holidays from my clients, all of whom are figuring this all out as they go as well. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. Grieve what could have been, should have been, but wasn't

It’s important to mourn the loss of unrealized expectations. It’s okay to be disappointed that you’re not with your family. Allow yourself to feel these feelings. Acknowledge that this year is different. 

2. Focus on what you can control, not what's out of your control

I know, I know. Easier said than done, right? The state of the world right now is a giant lesson in allowing ourselves to give in to the uncertainty and discomfort. For a control freak like I am, this isn’t easy. Here’s one meditation that helps me:  Insight Timer

3. Stay connected with family virtually.

Set up a family Zoom or Facetime in advance so that everyone can look forward to spending part of the day together. Maybe even set up your meal, get dressed in your holiday attire, and set up a laptop on the table with a place setting. Or revel in the luxury of getting to sit in your cozy pajamas, in the comfort of your own home, and appreciate the ease of technological connectedness. I’ve come across a lot of fun online activities to play with your family over Zoom that I’m excited to try out. Here’s one where everyone is sent their own gingerbread house to decorate together: Gingerbread Wars

4. Enjoy your alone time!

Maybe your roommate’s out of town and you get the apartment to yourself, maybe you’re having Thanksgiving dinner with just your spouse for the first time, or maybe you’re celebrating with a friend instead. Enjoy the added bonuses about this situation! Get comfortable in your coziest sweatpants, grab a weighted blanket, and appreciate the calm. If you have the day(s) off work, try to fully turn off and enjoy some much-needed and deserved self-care. I recently heard about a self-care box subscription service and signed up immediately. Every 3 months, you’re sent a curated box of wellness items made by small businesses and minority brands. I may or may not have set an alert in my calendar for when mine comes. Sign up here: Selfish Box

5. Check in with yourself and hold yourself in compassion.

Acknowledge the different feelings you’re experiencing. Be aware of your triggers and stick to your healthy habits that keep you on track.  Realize that not only is it okay to take care of your own needs, it’s non-negotiable.

6. Practice Gratitude

Contrary or opposite action, an idea that in practice sounds so easy, can be an incredibly useful distress tolerance tool. The concept literally means to act opposite of your emotional urge in a healthier, less harmful way. This morning, when I was stuck in a harmful “woe is me” thought web, I forced myself to sit down and write a gratitude list. This immediately snapped me out of the distorted reality in my head and forced me to reflect on the enormous list of things I have to be grateful for. Gratitude lists can be made up of small things as well! Today, I wrote that I am especially grateful for blasting music and singing in my car. Practicing gratitude does not involve diminishing or invalidating negative feelings (see the first bullet point), but rather allows us to broaden our perspectives and reflect. 

Another way to practice gratitude can be to volunteer or be of service to others. I recently signed up to be a mentor through an online community called Worked Up, where women in early-stage careers are paired with a small cohort of peers and a leader in their field. Though I immediately experienced a wave of imposter syndrome, it has been extremely rewarding for me to not only share my experiences with others, but to also be a part of an accessible, equitable, and inclusive community. Join here: Worked Up

If you are struggling this holiday season, feeling down, depressed, lonely, or anxious reach out! Visit our website to learn more about our services and book your free 15-minute phone consultation. Thank you for reading, and Happy Holidays! 

Warmly,

Jessica Leader, Associate Marriage & Family Therapist

Root to Rise Therapy

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