The Benefits of Doing Individual and Couples Therapy at the Same Time

 Some of the most common first-session questions I hear in couples therapy are, “How long is this going to take?” and “How can we make the most of our time together?” In typical therapist fashion, my answer is usually a variation of “It depends” and to answer the questions with more questions, but I do share my observations from past experiences. You can read more about getting the most out of therapy in a past blog post here, but one decision that consistently speeds up the process of therapy and helps us all get the most value is when one or both members of the couple are also doing individual therapy. I clarify that this individual therapy would be with a different therapist, and I would stay as their couples therapist. I recognize that a significant and understandable barrier to individual therapy while doing couples therapy involves the money and time sacrifice- therapy can be expensive and time-consuming! However, the goal of doing all of this therapy at once is to make sure the time and money spent is worth it by condensing and improving the process. So why exactly is being in individual and couples therapy at the same time so beneficial?

 Self-awareness and Communication Skills

Individual therapy focuses on past, present, and future personal experiences. The more awareness clients have involving feelings, thoughts, and patterns, the more self-awareness is brought into couples therapy. With this self-awareness, each partner is able to better acknowledge and understand what they bring into the relationship that can both help and harm the relationship dynamic. This information improves communication skills by slowing down typical relationship discussions to better understand the deeper issues at play that are impacting reactions within conflict. Exploration of individual past experiences and wounds in conjunction with exploring the relationship dynamics allows utilization of this new awareness and skills in real-time! Individual therapy provides a platform to gain self-awareness, build coping skills, and develop healthier habits, ultimately fostering a more resilient and connected relationship with improved communication skills.

 Strengthening Attachment Styles

If you haven’t begun exploring your attachment style, you can read more and take the quiz in this previous blog. In essence, attachment styles have to do with emotional and behavioral responses we develop and demonstrate in relationships as a result of our relationships with our primary caregivers. Awareness of your attachment style is immensely helpful for couples therapy so we can better understand how your attachment style is manifesting within the relationship. Since attachment styles are not fixed, one of the most effective ways to get closer to a secure attachment is through a relationship with a consistent, caring therapist. Therapists create a safe, non-judgmental environment where clients feel comfortable expressing their vulnerabilities. By having vulnerabilities met with consistent empathy, unconditional positive regard, and active listening, therapists foster trust and provide a secure base for clients to explore attachment patterns and experience a relationship with a secure attachment, potentially for the first time.

Balancing Individual and Relationship Needs

When members of the couple have not experienced the self-exploration involved in individual therapy, this inevitably begins to happen in the couple's therapy room. Though, of course, some sessions naturally become weighted in the direction of one individual, this happens far less frequently if both clients have their own space to do internal work and exploration. Couples therapy requires a delicate balance between creating space for both partners and the time flies by with three people in the room! Individual therapy can help the couple's process feel fairer and more equitable, focusing more on the relationship as the client rather than one individual’s history.  

 Being in individual therapy and couples therapy simultaneously helps partners develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship dynamics as a couple. They acquire skills to navigate future challenges, resolve conflicts more effectively, and build up the relationship as a secure base. The investment in individual and couples therapy equips partners with the tools to nurture a lasting relationship. If you are interested in exploring the benefits of this dual approach or are looking for either individual or couples therapy in general, reach out to our client care coordinator today to book a session with one of our wonderful therapists at Root to Rise Therapy!

Warmly,

Jessica Leader, LMFT

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