Why Letting Your Tears Flow is Healing

“The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea.” ― Isak Dinesen

Throughout my work, I’ve encountered moments where clients begin to well up in tears, abruptly halt this physiological reaction, and say “I’m sorry.”

I’ve had clients share experiences of feeling on the brink of tears at work or some other social setting and run to the bathroom to cry. Some rationalizations for this behavior are “it’s not socially appropriate to cry,” “it burdens others,” or “I’m just too sensitive.”

Lately, I’ve had several sessions where clients have shared with me that they’ve cried during the week between sessions, not because of a feeling of sadness, but as a physiological reaction in response to feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated.

So, I’d like to talk about crying. Why do we do it? Why do we stop ourselves? What are the healing properties of allowing ourselves to cry?

Why Do We Cry?

Pain Response:

Tears can be triggered when we experience physical pain or discomfort. This response serves as a social function to signal to others that help or comfort is needed! As social creatures, we can elicit empathy and compassion from others through this nonverbal form of communication.

Emotional Overload & Release:

When we tear up due to a flood of overwhelming emotions, such as sadness, grief, anxiety, or frustration, we use our built-in biological coping mechanism to release tension and provide a physiological sense of catharsis. Endorphins, our bodies’ natural pain-relieving and mood-enhancing hormones, are released when we cry, alleviating distress and promoting a sense of well-being.

Sense of Powerlessness:

When we experience too many perceived or actual demands and challenges, we may begin to feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. We may feel a lack of control over our circumstances and our influence over them, which can evoke emotions of despair and helplessness, which may manifest as tears.

Release of Emotional Tension:

Crying can serve as a natural mechanism for releasing emotional tension and providing a sense of relief. It allows individuals to express and process their feelings, which can help to alleviate the sense of overwhelm and restore a sense of emotional equilibrium.

Why Do We Stop Ourselves?

Social Expectations:

Many cultures and societies have implicit and explicit norms and expectations regarding emotional expression, including crying. Some individuals may suppress their tears because they believe it is socially unacceptable or perceive it as a sign of weakness. These cultural and social norms expand to gender expectations as well as professional contexts.

Fear of Judgment:

We often stop ourselves from crying due to a fear of being judged, being seen as “weak”, or that we may elicit a negative appraisal of ourselves from others if we display vulnerability. Some people may view crying as a loss of control over their emotions and may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about displaying such vulnerability in front of others.

Learned Coping Mechanism:

“Nature vs. Nurture” is a powerful thing! Through our upbringing and experiences, we develop beliefs that can shape our attitudes toward tears. Some people may have learned to suppress their tears as a coping strategy or as a result of conditioning from childhood. People may learn to view crying as unproductive, particularly if individuals believe it will not change the outcome of a situation or if they prefer to cope with stress in other ways, such as through problem-solving or distraction.

What Are the Healing Properties of Allowing Ourselves to Cry?

Emotional Release:

Crying can serve as a way to release pent-up emotions, providing a cathartic experience. It allows individuals to express and process feelings, reducing emotional stress and promoting a sense of relief. Shedding tears can help alleviate stress by lowering levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, in the body. This can lead to a sense of relaxation and calmness. Crying triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body rest and recover after stress. This can lead to reduced physical tension and improved overall well-being.

Mood Improvement:

Crying can trigger the release of endorphins, neurotransmitters often associated with feelings of pleasure and well-being. As a result, crying may improve mood and provide a temporary boost in emotional state.

Social Connection:

Crying can foster social bonding and empathy. When others witness someone crying, it can evoke feelings of compassion and support, leading to increased social connections and feelings of closeness.

Emotional Awareness and Growth:

Through tears, individuals gain insight into their emotions and experiences, leading to increased self-awareness and personal growth. It can signal that something needs attention or resolution in one’s life.

Finding the right clinician with whom you feel safe to shed tears and express yourself is foundational for the therapeutic process! Please get in touch with our Client Care Coordinator at Root to Rise to book an appointment with one of our therapists today.

With gratitude,

Atalie Abramovici, LMFT