Every therapist I’ve had has told me I’m self-aware. I often have the insight to understand why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling, and where it’s coming from. I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them. This distinction can easily be missed in therapy, and some of these clients can fall through the cracks. However, therapy is not just about gaining the insight cognitively. So how can we learn the difference, and how can we start to actually get out of our heads and into our bodies?

Using Internal Family Systems/ Parts work:

We must first acknowledge that we might have overidentified with an intellectualizing part of ourselves. This part has learned how to do its job so well and certainly has an important role in our healing. This part may have been praised or reinforced over time and ultimately was developed to protect you and keep you safe. The ability to predict and understand past pain logically and intellectually is protective and attempts to reduce future hurt. It can give us a perceived sense of safety and control that we crave so much when life feels overwhelming. 

However, the underlying emotion and hurt can easily go untouched and unprocessed. Using parts work, we can acknowledge and honor the part that is doing its job. We can externalize this part together by naming it, thanking it, understanding it, and allowing it to step down for a moment and create space for the feeling to step in. In the therapy room, we can work to create a space where this part can feel safe enough to make room for us to actually slow down and feel. The eventual goal is for all parts to become integrated and work harmoniously, recognizing that there is a time and place for all parts.

Some example questions you might hear your therapist ask when using this approach might be:

-“I’d like to invite you to connect with that part of yourself that tends to analyze things intellectually. Can you describe what it feels like when that part takes over?”

-“What do you think it’s trying to achieve by staying in that intellectual space?”

-“Can you ask that part what it needs from you right now?”

-“How has that part helped you in the past?”

-“What would happen if you invite this intellectualizing part to join you in experiencing your feelings rather than taking over?”

Using somatic work:

Getting out of our minds and into our bodies can take time and practice. There is no expectation that clients will be able to do this easily or comfortably. Many times, we start by slowing down the conversation and bringing attention to what is coming up in the body. This can be done with a body scan and body awareness once the client feels safe enough in the room. We shift language and experience from “I know I shut down when I’m around my mom because she doesn’t understand me” to “I feel a lump in my throat when I talk about it, I feel sad and heavy.” We sit in this space together and really feel the pain and discomfort rather than jumping back to the safety of our minds. Even though this can feel deeply vulnerable and we understandably might experience some resistance, we can only begin to heal if we allow ourselves to experience this. 

Some sample questions or statements that might come up in therapy:

-“Can we take a moment to notice any physical sensations in the body?”

 -“Can you describe it more? Is it sharp, heavy, or something else?”

-“Let’s take a few deep breaths together. Inhale deeply through your nose… and exhale slowly through your mouth. As you do this, see if you can allow that heaviness to be there without trying to change it.”

-“What happens when we focus on it?”

-“Can we also check in with the emotion connected to the heaviness? What comes up?”

-“If it had a shape or color, what would it be?”

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which incorporates many somatic elements, is an incredible therapeutic approach when a client might be struggling to process or even access memories and feelings. In her blog post about EMDR, Sophia writes: “When a traumatic event occurs, the memory of it can get "stuck," preventing the brain from fully processing it. Traumatic memories are often stored in the body in the same state as they were experienced— whether that’s a state of dissociation, freeze, fight-or-flight, or panic. When you get a cut, you need to sanitize it and clean it before it can heal. Time alone doesn’t always heal a wound. Likewise, our minds have an amazing ability to heal, but we need to create the right conditions for it to do so. EMDR therapy removes all the ‘dirt’ from the wound for it to heal properly. The bilateral stimulation used in EMDR sessions helps activate the brain's information processing system. This allows you to re-process the traumatic memories and reintegrate them in a healthier way. In doing this, positive beliefs and feelings are reinforced to replace the negative ones associated with the trauma. The therapist focuses on the somatic experience of the individual to release the trauma memories stored in the body.”

If you are someone who identifies as an intellectualizer, the therapists at Root to Rise are here to support you in your healing journey. Many of us can relate to the experience and can help you move out of the “insight” stage and into true growth and change. Self-awareness is an incredible skill, but it might be keeping you stuck in your thoughts and taking away from the emotional, body-level experience needed to create the life you want to live. Reach out to our client care coordinator to schedule a free consultation and get set up with a Root to Rise therapist!

Warmly,

Jessica Leader, LMFT