Joy in the Shadow of Loss: Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Ah, it’s that time of year again—twinkling lights, the scent of roasted chestnuts and pine, the warmth of buttery rolls, and cozy sweaters. Everywhere you look, the world comes alive with the sounds of festive music, children’s laughter, and the hum of holiday activity. Families gather. Friends reconnect. The holidays have a way of magnifying togetherness, creating a space where connection feels deeper, more vibrant, and more intentional.

But for some, this season brings something very different—a quiet ache that’s felt in every corner. In the midst of holiday preparations—cooking, decorating, laughing with loved ones—there’s a sense of detachment, as if you’re walking through a fog while the world spins on. The joy that surrounds you feels distant, as if you're standing outside looking in, in a place that no one else can quite understand. While the holidays are filled with the warmth of loved ones around the table, laughter echoing through the house, and shared traditions, grief sees the empty chair, the unspoken name, the absence of familiar voices and touches. What should feel like togetherness instead brings a longing for what is no longer possible.

Why Does Grief Feel so Different During the Holidays?

Let’s normalize the emotional duality that comes with this time of year—the bittersweet balance of joy and sorrow that the holidays often bring. It’s okay to feel both sadness and joy. These emotions are not opposites; they can exist side by side. It’s important to make space for both.

The first holiday after a loss can be especially hard. As the daily routine slows down, there’s more space for grief to surface, often unearthing feelings that may have been tucked away, waiting for the right moment to be felt. The holidays are full of reminders of those we’ve lost, and these triggers—whether a song, a memory, or a tradition—can bring waves of sorrow when we least expect them.

Holidays are just hard. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed by grief, even in the midst of the festivities. Sometimes, we’re caught between the desire to honor the memory of our loved one and the pressure to "move on" and embrace the joy of the season. This creates an emotional tension—wanting to join in the holiday spirit, but also needing space to process the sadness and longing that grief brings. Tears, pain, and moments of emotional release are all a natural part of the grieving process. These feelings are normal, and they’re okay.

Tips for Navigating Grief During the Holidays

Set Boundaries
It’s okay to say no to events that feel overwhelming or painful. You can cancel plans or take a break from holiday traditions. If you choose to attend something, having a "Plan B" can give you peace of mind, knowing you can leave if needed.

Create New Traditions
New rituals can help you regain a sense of control. Whether it’s a quiet day of remembrance or a new activity, these can provide hope and a way to honor your grief.

Honor the Loss
Find ways to remember your loved one—lighting a candle, visiting a special place, or sharing memories with family can keep their spirit alive and offer comfort.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel
Allow yourself to experience all the emotions that arise. There’s no right way to grieve, and it’s okay to feel joy, sadness, or anything in between. Embrace the grief—it’s not the grief you need to avoid, but the pain.

Manage Expectations
Expect emotional ups and downs. Expect that you may feel extra vulnerable at this time. You might feel sad, tired, or overwhelmed. Don’t pressure yourself to be happy or “perfect.” It’s okay to cry or take a step back when you need to.

Be Honest About What You Need
Let others know if you need support. The holidays can be isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Be open about your feelings. Keep in mind that people may not always know how to support you or what to say, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care.

As the year comes to a close and a new one begins, there’s a natural opportunity to reflect on how grief has shaped you and how you carry your loved one’s memory with you. Healing during the holidays isn’t about pushing grief away—it’s about finding a way to coexist with it. Over time, the joy of the season can become a way of honoring their memory, even as you acknowledge the pain.

"The pain of grief is just love with no place to go."

— Jamie Anderson

If you're struggling to navigate grief during the holidays, you don't have to do it alone. Support is available. Reach out to our client care coordinator today to find a therapist who can help guide you through your grief journey. 

With warmth and love,

Kalie Pham, AMFT