Navigating the Challenges of Long-Distance Relationships

On both a personal and professional level, I am acutely aware of the effort it takes to navigate a long-distance relationship. Professionally, I’ve been able to guide many couples who have spent significant chunks of their relationship in different locations through the ebbs and flows of a long-distance relationship. Personally, I have been in long-distance relationships that have spanned across different cities, states, and countries. I’m even currently in a long-distance relationship for half of the year. Using my own experience as a foundation for understanding, I help couples in therapy communicate more openly, establish a structure, and even see the potential benefits! Here are some tips to help navigate your long-distance relationship and help your connection grow.

Over Communicate

Open communication is the backbone of all relationships, and this is especially crucial in a long-distance relationship. When you’re in different physical places, it can feel like you’re living two separate lives unless the communication is open and consistent. Make sure to share with your partner so you can continue to feel involved in each other’s lives and stay connected. The form of communication matters less than the consistency. Due to busy schedules, it might not always feel possible to stay connected via text throughout the day. Instead, try to make time for a nightly check-in where you can catch up and close out the day together.

Get Creative

Though it may take more creativity and planning, you can absolutely still make time for fun dates and experiences. Some ideas (that are personally vetted): cooking the same recipe together, using a website like Teleparty to watch a movie together, having your own book club, listening to the same podcast throughout the week and discussing it, playing a connections card game, sending letters in the mail, or even dressing up for a facetime date and postmating each other a dessert or drink.

Set Expectations

Carve out time to have a conversation about expectations in the relationship, and revisit this topic! It’s important to establish expectations ahead of time about how frequently you’re seeing each other and what the visiting schedule looks like. When possible, it’s exciting to have the next visit planned out when you’re saying goodbye, so you have something to look forward to. Other topics to make sure you’re aligned with involve exclusivity, longer-term plans, and conflict resolution strategies.

Focus on the Benefits

For all of the challenges, there are also benefits! Increased novelty and excitement correlate to increased desire and attraction and long-distance relationships are filled with new and exciting interactions and visits. Since the time together isn’t as frequent, the quality of time feels even more important. Even if it might sometimes take a moment to readjust to being together after a break, you may find you feel even more connected and the time together feels more sacred. The time together serves as a reminder of why the relationship is worth any strain the distance causes. When you’re not in the same place, effortful and consistent communication can be more connected than many couples who are living in the same space. Despite its challenges, I actually find that nurturing the relationship is on my mind more when we’re living apart and in turn, I put more energy into staying connected. If you’re also an introvert like me, you can use the time alone to recharge and fully commit to self-care.

Start Couples Therapy

Couples therapy is a great way to ensure you have a regular, standing appointment to focus on the relationship. Knowing that dedicated space exists regularly to check in on the relationship can relieve pressure to fit every conversation in when you’re in the same place and allow you to be more present and enjoy your time together. A therapist can help you set expectations, communicate about any feelings of disconnection, stay hopeful, plan for the future, and focus on the relationship’s strengths.

Contact our client care coordinator today to get connected with a therapist who can help your couple thrive in spite of (and because of) the distance.

All the best,

Jessica Leader LMFT

P.S. All the above tips can be applied to long-distance relationships of any kind. All relationships need nurturing, not just romantic ones. Writing this post reminded me to set up a Facetime date with my long-distance best friend!