Couple's Therapy Types
Which Type of Marriage Counseling is Best?
So you have read the first post in this series, Can Marriage Counseling Save My Marriage, and now you are ready to take the brave step to start couples therapy. Maybe you began researching marriage counseling, and you found that there are multiple approaches to marriage therapy like CBCT, IBCT, Gottman, and EFT, and you may have become overwhelmed. Do not get discouraged! We hope to answer some of the most frequently asked questions about the different types of marriage counseling and how to pick the right one for your relationship.
The structure and style of marriage counseling vary depending on the therapist and the couple's needs. There are various styles of couples counseling approaches that therapists may primarily utilize. Some types are more behavioral-based, some rely on a structured method, and some are more intuitive and emotionally focused. It is helpful to find out what style of therapy a prospective therapist utilizes and see if it suits you.
What is Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy?
Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy (CBCT) is based on research on cognitive-behavioral therapy for individuals. It is a somewhat structured approach that focuses on modifying behaviors. CBCT focuses on interacting with partners' thoughts, emotions, and actions. CBCT seeks to reduce distressing emotions and increase positive feelings in partners. Throughout the work, partners may be asked to reflect on their thought patterns and reframe thoughts to reduce mental relationship barriers and increase closeness (i.e., reframing the belief 'you do not care about anything I want').
A primary goal is to improve couples' problem-solving skills and work more collaboratively to find aligned solutions. In sessions, speaker-listener tools are utilized to practice active listening and communicating thoughts, needs, and feelings more effectively to their partner to reduce blame and increase empathy and understanding. CBCT also focuses on modifying unhealthy behaviors that impact the relationship. Overall, CBCT is excellent for couples who would like to have a somewhat structured approach to therapy and focus on improving communication skills, modifying individual and coupled behaviors, and learning to work as a team more effectively.
What is Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy?
Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy (IBCT) is based on integrating both acceptance and change in a relationship. Dr. Andrew Christensen, Ph.D., and Dr. Neil S. Jacobson, Ph.D., researched and developed IBCT to address differences between partners and create positive change. Although acceptance and change can sometimes be seen as differing concepts, integrating both provides a deepening and more harmonic bond behind partners. In IBCT, the therapist takes on an analytical and leadership role, as the therapist will initially meet with the couple and create a case formulation of the differences between each member of the couple. The therapist will then present this case formulation to the couple and use it as a framework to identify individual differences to understand each other more intimately and accept them. The case formulation utilizes the 'DEEP' model, which emphasizes the cause of why problems occur in relationships. DEEP is an acronym for Differences between partners, Emotional sensitivities, External stress, and communication Patterns. Differences between partners refers to acknowledging the natural differences that are beneficial to recognize in order to reduce confusion or conflict, such as differing needs for affection. Emotional sensitivities are based on early childhood and adult experiences that influence clients’ differing wants and needs in a relationship currently, and the intention is to be accepting of each partner's differences. External stress can highlight differences in how each partner copes with challenges and stress. Patterns of communication emphasize how each partner typically communicates to resolve conflict brought on by disagreements, emotional sensitivities, and external stressors.
While acceptance of differences is initially emphasized, conflictual communication patterns are also changed to increase empathy and solve problems with win/win solutions. Overall, IBCT is excellent for couples who want an analytical approach that focuses on understanding and accepting differences and then emphasizes the positive elements in a relationship to create win/win resolutions.
What is The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a structured method based on 40-years of research initially pioneered by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. Research that influences the therapeutic work includes the critical finding that successful couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative experiences. Gottman's research also uncovered that couples more likely to separate had signs of the 'Four Horsemen of Apocalypse,' which include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Additionally, the research found that couples that turned toward each other for emotional, physical, and behavioral support rather than turned away in everyday moments tended to have greater relationship longevity and satisfaction.
The Gottman Method begins with an in-depth assessment of the couple's relationship. The Sound Relationship House is the symbolic structure for the therapeutic work that houses a wall of trust and commitment. The sessions provide tools that include building 'love maps' to understand each other better, sharing greater fondness and admiration, practicing turning towards instead of away from each other, focusing on the positive perspective, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning together. Overall, The Gottman Method is excellent for couples who want a highly structured methodology based on experimental research with a clear therapeutic formula from start to finish to increase positive experiences in the relationship and reduce negative experiences in the relationship.
What is Emotionally-Focused Therapy?
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is emotionally-focused, intuitive, and somewhat unstructured. Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is based on the research by Dr. Sue Johnson, who focuses on the emotional dance between couples. EFCT identifies three 'Demon Dialogues' that create a felt sense of hurt and rejection based on nervous system activations, which include 'Find the Bad Guy,' where each partner is in fight mode and criticizing each other, 'The Protest Polka,' where a partner demands something and the other partner becomes defensive or shuts down, and 'Freeze and Flee' where both partners shut down.
EFCT begins by first identifying the partner dance and seeing that the dance is nonlinear and each partner contributes to the dance. Partners need to take ownership of their part in the dance and call it out when they get stuck. After identifying the dance, EFCT goes beneath the content to the raw spots rooted in an insecure attachment (i.e., I feel rejected). The therapeutic space is a place to attune, empathize, and better understand each partner's raw spots and to be an anchor of support, nurturance, and love at the moment. Each moment can be an opportunity to rebuild emotional trust in a relationship by increasing accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. Couples can create secure attachment styles and deeper, lasting connections through greater attuning to each other. Overall, EFCT is excellent for couples who want an unstructured therapy approach that focuses on identifying emotional attachment needs to create a strong foundation of attuned empathy, care, and safety.
It’s important to note that any method of couples therapy will only be effective where both parties are committed to doing the work of understanding and hearing their partner, and sharing their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. It’s often beneficial to do individual therapy before or concurrently with couple’s therapy in order to develop these skills. Couples therapy is not recommended or beneficial in relationships where there has been physical violence, or where one partner has shown a pattern of controlling or intimidating behavior. Domestic violence is a crime. Please call 911 or the domestic violence hotline if you need help.
The therapists at Root to Rise Therapy utilize all four of these methods of couple’s therapy, and can adapt according to what the couple feels would work the best for them. If you are ready to start couples therapy or would like more information, contact our Client Care Coordinator for a free consultation today!
Warmly,
Root to Rise Therapy