Reparenting Your Inner Child
Inner-child work.
Reparenting your inner child.
You may have heard these terms circling around in conversations, popping up while scrolling social media, or even mentioned to you by your therapist. But what actually IS inner child work?? What does it look like? & why is it so important? I’m here to answer those questions for you :)
What is inner-child work?
In essence, inner-child work or reparenting is the process of meeting your unmet childhood needs as the capable adult you are today. We may feel somewhat disconnected from our childhood selves, but it's important to acknowledge that you are the same person as your childhood self, just with more years on this planet and more life experiences.
If you did not get your core needs met as a child, an unconscious biological drive to have them met will emerge as you enter adulthood. If we don’t receive core needs for connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, and love during our early developmental years, we develop adaptive survival strategies to help us cope. Our intrinsic biology has a fascinating way of helping us survive, however, these survival strategies tend to shift from adaptive to maladaptive as we enter adulthood. For instance, the adaptive strategy of being extremely independent and not asking anyone for help could come from a lack of trust that anyone will help or a fear of vulnerability due to childhood experiences of not receiving help or feeling safe. As adults, this strategy can become maladaptive if it becomes a hindrance to developing deeper emotional connections with people.
What does inner-child work look like?
Resources to support your process through this work can include seeing a therapist, doing mirror work, deconstructing and reconstructing self-talk and self-appraisal, and understanding the dynamics of your family of origin.
Below are three interventions I have found to be transformative with clients :)
As a therapist, my favorite tool to offer clients involves asking them to find a photograph of themselves at a younger age and make it the wallpaper on their phone’s screen. I encourage them to vocalize or mentally recite loving, supportive phrases each time they see the photo of their younger selves in order to begin solidifying the practice of offering affirming words and intentions to themselves.
Mirror Work by Louise Hay is my go-to recommendation for this work with clients! It may feel awkward at first to speak to yourself kindly in the mirror, but that’s usually a sign there is work to be done in that arena!
Another powerful tool is to begin to explore your family of origin. Creating a genogram with your therapist can help you identify patterns that have been passed down through multiple generations. Once you are able to acknowledge that your parents were once children themselves too, you can embody an understanding that you are deserving of having your needs met, and your parents inability to do so was not an indication of your unworthiness.
Why is inner-child work so important?
Our society perpetuates the idea that being vulnerable and having needs and soft emotions is a sign of weakness, but it’s important to remember, as adults, that we are human beings who possess the same needs for safety, belonging, and self-esteem that we did as children–whether we acknowledge those needs or suppress them. The significance of doing this work as an adult, is that you now have the ability to have these needs met through other sources and, most profoundly, through yourself.
If you’d like help healing your inner child, the therapists at Root to Rise would love to support you in this journey. Contact our Client Care Coordinator today for a free consultation to find out how you can get started.
With Gratitude,
Atalie Abramovici, AMFT
