You may have learned what to do or say to make things go smoother. You may have learned what behaviors or attitudes made people stay. You learned what made you easier to accept.
And slowly, those lessons became automatic.
Being Liked vs Being Known
Stop Optimizing Your Joy
The moment we pick something up, our brain starts asking: How can I get better at this? How can I optimize this? Is this a productive use of my Saturday? The result? We never actually relax.
Healing Negative Body Image
Many of us have complicated relationships with our bodies. For some, their body is a safe haven or a comfortable space where they are free to be and celebrate themselves. For others, the body is a source of disappointment, dissatisfaction, discomfort, and even self-hatred.
Breaking The Self-Doubt Spiral
When we experience disappointing responses to our efforts, it’s tempting to make that mean something about how unskilled we are, how incompetent we must be, or even how unlovable or undeserving of a person we feel we are. We tell ourselves a story that if we had just worked a little harder, or said the right thing, or “mastered” the extremely simple art of toasting toast, then we would receive a more favorable response and thus, feel better about ourselves.
Shame vs. Guilt
Shame can be one of the most painful and overpowering emotions in the human experience. It can feel intense, overwhelming, and really hard to talk about. Some people believe both guilt and shame are useful emotions that keep us aligned with our values.
Can’t Stop Overthinking?
Overthinking can feel like a never-ending loop, keeping you stuck in a spiral of rumination and anxiety. It can be exhausting, overwhelming, and frustrating—especially when you know it’s unhelpful, but you just can’t seem to stop.
Reclaim Your Reflection
Through my work as a therapist and within my personal life, I’ve witnessed the pressure of society’s beauty standards, and how it can greatly impact someone’s self-esteem and body image. While this experience is fairly common, there is a difference between temporary dissatisfaction with your appearance and a diagnosis. For someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), this preoccupation can take over your daily life, leading to a constant loop of anxiety, self-doubt, and shame.
How to Build Resilience
Life presents us with challenges–that is inevitable. Over the course of my life, I have witnessed immense resilience in people from my culture which presents as strikingly superhuman at times. However, certain key components and practices build this resounding resilience over time.
Cultivating Confidence
The word confidence comes from the Latin breakdown of the word: con' (with) and 'fidere' (trust). In essence, confidence is a trust in yourself. In order for others to witness you as a person with confidence, you must first develop that trust in yourself.