In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.
Our senses play a pivotal role in how we form, store, and retrieve memories. This is because the brain areas responsible for processing sensory input are closely linked to the regions that store and retrieve memories. The hippocampus, which organizes and recalls memories, works together with the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. They ensure that emotionally charged events are more vividly stored in memory. This link exists for both extraordinarily painful and joyful memories alike.
When we talk about “trauma,” we’re talking about an emotional or psychological response to a distressing event or experience. It’s not necessarily the event itself that’s traumatic but rather the way it impacts a person’s sense of safety, stability, or identity. Trauma often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or disconnected from themselves or others.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
Working with someone who just gets under your skin can be incredibly tough. Here are a few strategies that might help you manage your frustration:
We often seek validation from others when we feel vulnerable, believing that external reassurance will quiet our inner critic. But the truth is, while reassurance from others can provide temporary relief, the most enduring compassion comes from within. Listening to and elevating the voice of our inner advocate is the most effective way to challenge negative self-talk and increase self-compassion.
When it comes to ageism, these beliefs can be incredibly restrictive. For instance, they can prevent people from pursuing new hobbies, career changes, or educational goals. They can also devalue the contributions of individuals, lead them to doubt their abilities, and exclude them from opportunities they are perfectly capable of.
The concept of a “window of tolerance” was coined by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel and describes our optimal zone of arousal. Within this zone of arousal, we can function effectively and manage varying experiences and emotions. Our minds feel clear, we feel competent and capable, and we can process information and emotions.
Many of us have heard of the concept of “burnout”—yet sometimes it can be hard to identify what it is and isn’t. The phenomenon, which has been silently plaguing many of us, has become more commonly discussed in the past decade, especially since the pandemic of 2020, when people across the globe collectively began taking their mental health more seriously.
Music has been shown to activate our limbic system, the part of our brain most responsible for memories and emotions. Listening to music, making music, and playing music have been shown to alleviate stress, discomfort, and some symptoms of mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. When we hear familiar songs, even just a few notes, we are instantly transported back to a memory, a time in our lives, when those sounds and lyrics played a part.
The purpose of a boundary is to protect our own wellbeing. It is not a punishment to anyone else or a selfish act. Setting a boundary with someone else means: when they do xyz [something that crosses your boundaries], then you will do xyz [something to promote your wellbeing]. Here are a few examples of boundaries:
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the very thing you want to do the least is what would help you the most? When all you want to do is isolate, but the most beneficial step would be to pick up the phone and call a friend? When all you want to do is close the blinds and lay in bed, but you’d really feel better by getting outside? The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill of opposite action can be helpful when we notice this behavior coming up!
