We often seek validation from others when we feel vulnerable, believing that external reassurance will quiet our inner critic. But the truth is, while reassurance from others can provide temporary relief, the most enduring compassion comes from within. Listening to and elevating the voice of our inner advocate is the most effective way to challenge negative self-talk and increase self-compassion.
The word confidence comes from the Latin breakdown of the word: con' (with) and 'fidere' (trust). In essence, confidence is a trust in yourself. In order for others to witness you as a person with confidence, you must first develop that trust in yourself.
When we think of ADHD, the more recognized symptoms of inattentiveness and hyperactivity come to mind. While these are core aspects of the disorder, many other symptoms and traits can go unnoticed. These lesser-known manifestations can significantly impact those living with ADHD, yet they’re rarely recognized or discussed.
Words are powerful. Often, their connotation outweighs their denotation. Throughout my learning as a human and as a therapist, I have found three words that stand out for their interpretation in an uncompromisingly negative light. These three words, “Control,” “Anxiety,” and “Ego” certainly do have negative attributes to them, however, they simultaneously have immensely important protective functions.
When it comes to ageism, these beliefs can be incredibly restrictive. For instance, they can prevent people from pursuing new hobbies, career changes, or educational goals. They can also devalue the contributions of individuals, lead them to doubt their abilities, and exclude them from opportunities they are perfectly capable of.
We often seek validation from others when we feel vulnerable, believing that external reassurance will quiet our inner critic. But the truth is, while reassurance from others can provide temporary relief, the most enduring compassion comes from within. Listening to and elevating the voice of our inner advocate is the most effective way to challenge negative self-talk and increase self-compassion.
When it comes to ageism, these beliefs can be incredibly restrictive. For instance, they can prevent people from pursuing new hobbies, career changes, or educational goals. They can also devalue the contributions of individuals, lead them to doubt their abilities, and exclude them from opportunities they are perfectly capable of.
The concept of a “window of tolerance” was coined by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel and describes our optimal zone of arousal. Within this zone of arousal, we can function effectively and manage varying experiences and emotions. Our minds feel clear, we feel competent and capable, and we can process information and emotions.
Many of us have heard of the concept of “burnout”—yet sometimes it can be hard to identify what it is and isn’t. The phenomenon, which has been silently plaguing many of us, has become more commonly discussed in the past decade, especially since the pandemic of 2020, when people across the globe collectively began taking their mental health more seriously.
Music has been shown to activate our limbic system, the part of our brain most responsible for memories and emotions. Listening to music, making music, and playing music have been shown to alleviate stress, discomfort, and some symptoms of mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. When we hear familiar songs, even just a few notes, we are instantly transported back to a memory, a time in our lives, when those sounds and lyrics played a part.
The purpose of a boundary is to protect our own wellbeing. It is not a punishment to anyone else or a selfish act. Setting a boundary with someone else means: when they do xyz [something that crosses your boundaries], then you will do xyz [something to promote your wellbeing]. Here are a few examples of boundaries:
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the very thing you want to do the least is what would help you the most? When all you want to do is isolate, but the most beneficial step would be to pick up the phone and call a friend? When all you want to do is close the blinds and lay in bed, but you’d really feel better by getting outside? The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill of opposite action can be helpful when we notice this behavior coming up!
I have always struggled with taking a break. Whether it’s scheduling an appointment midday, taking a self-care day, or going on vacation, I automatically experience guilt. However, as a therapist, I am constantly helping my clients carve out time for themselves on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. It feels so clear when speaking to others that we must all step away from our daily lives and take time to recharge. Yet it’s been so hard for me to take my advice and FULLY step away.
As I type out these words, I find myself feeling overwhelmingly tired and in need of rest (in part due to the record-breaking heat wave taking over Los Angeles)… and so, I find it fitting to write about my experience. In this oppressive heat, I feel an all-encompassing sense of fatigue, trouble concentrating, eyelids drooping, and muscles feeling immensely heavy as I melt into the couch. Do these sensations sound familiar? As humans, we all need rest. That much is clear. So why do so many of us have such a hard time allowing ourselves to stop, slow down, and rest?
Over the years I’ve heard, and likely uttered, phrases such as, “I don’t have time to rest,” “I have too many things to do,” “I have no reason to feel tired,” “I don’t want to be lazy,” “I feel guilty when I rest,” and so on.
The way our capitalistic society requires us to operate is ultimately not sustainable. We are not computers… and even our computers need time to recharge! —and, to add to this metaphor, even a fully charged computer will begin to overheat and freeze up if it’s running too many applications at once!
Let’s start by reframing rest as productive—and move forward from there.
