In couples therapy, blame is rarely the whole story. More often, blame is what we reach for when something deeper feels too vulnerable, too uncertain, or too scary to say directly.
You may have learned what to do or say to make things go smoother. You may have learned what behaviors or attitudes made people stay. You learned what made you easier to accept.
And slowly, those lessons became automatic.
People with high-functioning anxiety often look very successful in maintaining their jobs, academics, parenthood, and other roles, yet internally are struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and persistent feelings of stress and being "on edge." High-functioning anxiety can affect people from any background, socioeconomic status, racial and gender identity, etc., and thus can present in each individual differently.
The dependency on love to ultimately feel good about ourselves today is sometimes known as codependency or love addiction, and has become normalized in our society, especially in context to monogamous romantic relationships.
People with high-functioning anxiety often look very successful in maintaining their jobs, academics, parenthood, and other roles, yet internally are struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and persistent feelings of stress and being "on edge." High-functioning anxiety can affect people from any background, socioeconomic status, racial and gender identity, etc., and thus can present in each individual differently.
Attachment styles are not your identity, but rather patterns for how your nervous system learned to keep you safe.
The moment we pick something up, our brain starts asking: How can I get better at this? How can I optimize this? Is this a productive use of my Saturday? The result? We never actually relax.
Change can be exciting, a chance to start over and experience new opportunities and challenges. We are often taught and expected to celebrate these transitions. So it can be confusing when we feel emotions other than joy or excitement.
Many of us have complicated relationships with our bodies. For some, their body is a safe haven or a comfortable space where they are free to be and celebrate themselves. For others, the body is a source of disappointment, dissatisfaction, discomfort, and even self-hatred.
Values are principles that motivate and inspire you. They often reflect your passions or what you care about, and can be a driving force in shifting behavior toward more purposeful living.
When we think about goals, we often default to familiar categories: working out more, eating differently, and being more productive. These can be meaningful goals, but they tend to fall apart when they’re too vague or disconnected from who we actually are.
You've probably heard of PTSD — It tends to be discussed in connection with a specific, overwhelming event, something clearly identifiable that the nervous system struggles to recover from. Complex PTSD (or C-PTSD) is chronic and talked about less often, even though it affects many people whose experiences don’t fit that single-event narrative.
When we experience disappointing responses to our efforts, it’s tempting to make that mean something about how unskilled we are, how incompetent we must be, or even how unlovable or undeserving of a person we feel we are. We tell ourselves a story that if we had just worked a little harder, or said the right thing, or “mastered” the extremely simple art of toasting toast, then we would receive a more favorable response and thus, feel better about ourselves.
