When we talk about “trauma,” we’re talking about an emotional or psychological response to a distressing event or experience. It’s not necessarily the event itself that’s traumatic but rather the way it impacts a person’s sense of safety, stability, or identity. Trauma often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or disconnected from themselves or others.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.
I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
Working with someone who just gets under your skin can be incredibly tough. Here are a few strategies that might help you manage your frustration:
We often seek validation from others when we feel vulnerable, believing that external reassurance will quiet our inner critic. But the truth is, while reassurance from others can provide temporary relief, the most enduring compassion comes from within. Listening to and elevating the voice of our inner advocate is the most effective way to challenge negative self-talk and increase self-compassion.
The word confidence comes from the Latin breakdown of the word: con' (with) and 'fidere' (trust). In essence, confidence is a trust in yourself. In order for others to witness you as a person with confidence, you must first develop that trust in yourself.
Words are powerful. Often, their connotation outweighs their denotation. Throughout my learning as a human and as a therapist, I have found three words that stand out for their interpretation in an uncompromisingly negative light. These three words, “Control,” “Anxiety,” and “Ego” certainly do have negative attributes to them, however, they simultaneously have immensely important protective functions.
The concept of a “window of tolerance” was coined by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel and describes our optimal zone of arousal. Within this zone of arousal, we can function effectively and manage varying experiences and emotions. Our minds feel clear, we feel competent and capable, and we can process information and emotions.
Music has been shown to activate our limbic system, the part of our brain most responsible for memories and emotions. Listening to music, making music, and playing music have been shown to alleviate stress, discomfort, and some symptoms of mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. When we hear familiar songs, even just a few notes, we are instantly transported back to a memory, a time in our lives, when those sounds and lyrics played a part.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the very thing you want to do the least is what would help you the most? When all you want to do is isolate, but the most beneficial step would be to pick up the phone and call a friend? When all you want to do is close the blinds and lay in bed, but you’d really feel better by getting outside? The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill of opposite action can be helpful when we notice this behavior coming up!
Metaphors have a powerful ability to illustrate abstract ideas. I absolutely love using metaphors with clients to discuss more complex human experiences in order to add a visual and contextual layer from which to understand these experiences, most often being our relationship to our thoughts and emotions. Unsurprisingly, many of the metaphors I use relate to nature, which I view as the ultimate teacher.
