The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.
I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.
Many of us have heard of the concept of “burnout”—yet sometimes it can be hard to identify what it is and isn’t. The phenomenon, which has been silently plaguing many of us, has become more commonly discussed in the past decade, especially since the pandemic of 2020, when people across the globe collectively began taking their mental health more seriously.
As I type out these words, I find myself feeling overwhelmingly tired and in need of rest (in part due to the record-breaking heat wave taking over Los Angeles)… and so, I find it fitting to write about my experience. In this oppressive heat, I feel an all-encompassing sense of fatigue, trouble concentrating, eyelids drooping, and muscles feeling immensely heavy as I melt into the couch. Do these sensations sound familiar? As humans, we all need rest. That much is clear. So why do so many of us have such a hard time allowing ourselves to stop, slow down, and rest?
Over the years I’ve heard, and likely uttered, phrases such as, “I don’t have time to rest,” “I have too many things to do,” “I have no reason to feel tired,” “I don’t want to be lazy,” “I feel guilty when I rest,” and so on.
The way our capitalistic society requires us to operate is ultimately not sustainable. We are not computers… and even our computers need time to recharge! —and, to add to this metaphor, even a fully charged computer will begin to overheat and freeze up if it’s running too many applications at once!
Let’s start by reframing rest as productive—and move forward from there.
I miss how I experienced my life Before The Pandemic or “BTP”. These days, my concept of time sometimes revolves around BTP and life After The Pandemic, or “ATP.”
I miss those long embracing hugs when first seeing a family member. I miss leaning in toward a friend at a coffee shop table and looking into their eyes as they share a story. I miss physical intimacy without the fear of getting sick. I miss signing up for workout classes at a local studio, sweating next to a workout friend, and feeling that shared sense of energetic community, without the fear that someone’s sweat will drip onto me and spread the virus.
BTP life used to feel balanced, joyful, harmonic, and expansive, whereas life ATP feels imbalanced, blah, chaotic, and cautiously small. It takes daily intentional effort to bring myself into balance and feel joy, harmony, and expansiveness.
As I write this, I am aware that I may be experiencing some of the symptoms of what mental health professionals are calling post-COVID stress or languishing. Some people have returned to a new normal and to the activities and routines they did BTP, including returning to work in person, hanging out often with friends and family, going to restaurants and events, attending workout classes, and traveling. Others, including myself, may continue to live a cautious lifestyle that looks noticeably different from BTP. Even if you have externally returned to BTP daily activities, you may relate inwardly to some of these post-COVID stress disorder symptoms.
Developing a mindfulness practice can feel impossible when operating in a society that determines our identities through how much we do rather than emphasizes the experience to simply be, but there are many ways to integrate mindfulness practices into your daily life, even amongst the never-ending demands.
Mindfulness techniques come in two forms: formal and informal.
Formal mindfulness techniques are those that are practiced in a specific setting with a distinct intention and method, such as meditation. Informal mindfulness techniques can be accessed at any point throughout your day, such as focusing on flavors as you eat or observing the breath as you drive.
Whether you have time to integrate formal mindfulness techniques into your daily regimen or just want to dip your toes into informal practices, here are some techniques you can start exploring today! I encourage you to experiment with different approaches, and to pick and choose the ones that interest you most as you begin your journey!
…..At least, this is how mornings felt for me for a long time. The harshness of your morning can set you up for the rest of your day to be difficult. Waking up on the wrong side of the bed gets you started in a place of stress, and you are bound to feel irritable, tense and unfocused as you move through your day.
So what's the antidote to entering your day in battle mode? When I started learning more about the concept of a morning routine, my relationship to mornings changed. Mornings became a time for moving slowly, self-reflection, centering, and getting grounded. When you take a few minutes to set yourself up for a morning routine, it can influence the entire rest of your day in a positive way. When you enter your day feeling spacious, grounded, and in touch with yourself, you can move through the day with a whole new energy of patience, compassion, focus, and creativity.
Root to Rise Therapy has a new therapist offering weekend and evening appointments as well as sliding scale and reduced rates. We also changed our business name. Plus some tips for getting “unstuck” and dealing with burnout!
I ran some reports recently and learned that I had 97 client sessions this month—about 24 therapy sessions a week. Why am I sharing that with you? It means that I have the privilege of understanding close-up and in real-time how people are surviving, what common threads are coming up, what has been helpful and what hasn't been.
