We often seek validation from others when we feel vulnerable, believing that external reassurance will quiet our inner critic. But the truth is, while reassurance from others can provide temporary relief, the most enduring compassion comes from within. Listening to and elevating the voice of our inner advocate is the most effective way to challenge negative self-talk and increase self-compassion.
The word confidence comes from the Latin breakdown of the word: con' (with) and 'fidere' (trust). In essence, confidence is a trust in yourself. In order for others to witness you as a person with confidence, you must first develop that trust in yourself.
When we think of ADHD, the more recognized symptoms of inattentiveness and hyperactivity come to mind. While these are core aspects of the disorder, many other symptoms and traits can go unnoticed. These lesser-known manifestations can significantly impact those living with ADHD, yet they’re rarely recognized or discussed.
Words are powerful. Often, their connotation outweighs their denotation. Throughout my learning as a human and as a therapist, I have found three words that stand out for their interpretation in an uncompromisingly negative light. These three words, “Control,” “Anxiety,” and “Ego” certainly do have negative attributes to them, however, they simultaneously have immensely important protective functions.
When it comes to ageism, these beliefs can be incredibly restrictive. For instance, they can prevent people from pursuing new hobbies, career changes, or educational goals. They can also devalue the contributions of individuals, lead them to doubt their abilities, and exclude them from opportunities they are perfectly capable of.
Clients often ask what self-care and mindfulness activities I recommend or find the most helpful. Since each person is different, their body and needs for self-care will be unique to them and my answer depends on the symptoms that the client experiences. Breathwork, meditation, movement, and positive self-talk are a few self-care practices that I often recommend or incorporate into sessions; all of which are informed by my own yoga practice and training.
Functional freeze describes the experience of shutting down and numbing while staying functional and getting through. Our physiology is essentially revved up but shut down.
Throughout my adult life, I have continually sought to connect with my intuitive nature and cultivate grounding and mental clarity. These 5 practices have supported me in deciphering my intuitive voice from my ego voice. If they aren’t already part of your practice, try them out, and they may help you hone your wise intuitive voice too!
I miss how I experienced my life Before The Pandemic or “BTP”. These days, my concept of time sometimes revolves around BTP and life After The Pandemic, or “ATP.”
I miss those long embracing hugs when first seeing a family member. I miss leaning in toward a friend at a coffee shop table and looking into their eyes as they share a story. I miss physical intimacy without the fear of getting sick. I miss signing up for workout classes at a local studio, sweating next to a workout friend, and feeling that shared sense of energetic community, without the fear that someone’s sweat will drip onto me and spread the virus.
BTP life used to feel balanced, joyful, harmonic, and expansive, whereas life ATP feels imbalanced, blah, chaotic, and cautiously small. It takes daily intentional effort to bring myself into balance and feel joy, harmony, and expansiveness.
As I write this, I am aware that I may be experiencing some of the symptoms of what mental health professionals are calling post-COVID stress or languishing. Some people have returned to a new normal and to the activities and routines they did BTP, including returning to work in person, hanging out often with friends and family, going to restaurants and events, attending workout classes, and traveling. Others, including myself, may continue to live a cautious lifestyle that looks noticeably different from BTP. Even if you have externally returned to BTP daily activities, you may relate inwardly to some of these post-COVID stress disorder symptoms.
I went on my first silent meditation retreat about 10 years ago. Fairly new to meditating, I was nervous for many reasons, but my friend encouraged me to come along with her and I nervously accepted her challenge. I’m glad I did, because at this retreat I learned my first pivotal lesson on the importance of self-compassion.
When you get to the retreat center, the first thing you do is hand over your electronics like your phone, tablet, laptop, etc. This was *incredibly scary* for me. At the time, my dad was ill, and I made arrangements with my mom that she could call the retreat center if anything came up that I needed to know about. But the idea of disconnecting in this way made me feel like the ground was about to fall out from under me.
Have you ever taken a step back to notice the mental chatter inside your head? The voice that says, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not lovable,” “If only I looked like that, I’d be happier,” “They probably don’t like me because…”
That, my friends, is your state of self-esteem—and while self-esteem is an ongoing, dynamic process of self-appraisal, we can learn to bring it into balance—much closer to where we would like it to be.
I love working with my clients to help them build tools to completely transform their relationships with themselves and to the outside world. Working together, I can help you build a toolkit to arrive at a foundation of internal validation—one that is less reliant upon external validation (which, to be honest, is not the most reliable).
I don’t just talk the talk, I walk the walk—and, trust me, this walk is the one with the best view ;).
Here are my 6 best tips for increasing your self-esteem so that you are no longer seeking validation from the outside world and can finally look within yourself to see your true value.
Inner-child work.
Reparenting your inner child.
You may have heard these terms circling around in conversations, popping up while scrolling social media, or even mentioned to you by your therapist. But what actually IS inner child work?? What does it look like? & why is it so important? I’m here to answer those questions for you :)
I often assign a gratitude practice to clients that are experiencing depression, but I have noticed that sometimes it backfires. When we are depressed, we notice negative things even more than the average person. This means that a depressed person would have to work even harder than a non-depressed person to absorb positive stimuli in their environment!
We know that people experiencing depression are often more tired, have less ability to focus and concentrate, lack motivation, and also spend a lot of their time feeling like a failure. So asking a depressed person to work so much harder to identify positive things, is sort of like asking a person who has never gone on a jog in their life to go run a marathon tomorrow.
This is all to say that sometimes, gratitude doesn’t work.
Sleep is one of the highest forms of self-care, situated right at the foundation of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Many of us logically understand the significant impact of sleep on mental health, physical health, and overall well-being. However, sleep tends to be one of the first needs that gets sacrificed when we become increasingly busy.
I’m here to offer you several useful tips on how to maximize your sleep, but more importantly to urge you to look at sleep as a priority. Sure — self-care in the form of bubble baths, facemasks, and all the other small rituals to nurture yourself is healing — but a deep night’s sleep is ESSENTIAL.
This is because while we sleep, we recharge our bodies and minds, consolidate memories and information, increase our immune function to stay healthy, and increase our abilities to be alert and productive during the day.
Many people struggle with initial insomnia or sleep-onset insomnia, which is characterized as a difficulty in falling asleep and is often linked with anxiety.
I’ve listed some tools and techniques below, along with an evening wind-down meditation of mine, in order to support you in cultivating consistent sleep that is relaxing, rejuvenating, and restorative.
