Keeping Your Cool When Dealing with Difficult People
Hey Kalie,
I’m seriously struggling with a coworker who’s driving me nuts. I usually have a pretty high tolerance for people, but this guy is a whole different story. It’s not even that he’s ever done anything directly to me—he just manages to piss me off with everything he does. From his nonstop interruptions during work meetings, to his voice and endless annoying habits, it’s like he’s deliberately trying to make my life miserable.
I work closely with him, and my frustration is starting to impact my mood and possibly my work. I’m afraid if I don’t get a handle on this soon, it’s going to throw me off completely.
Got any tips on how to deal with him without losing my mind? I need to figure this out before it gets any worse.
Thanks!
Aggravated Colleague
Hey Aggravated Colleague!
I totally get where you’re coming from—working with someone who just gets under your skin can be incredibly tough. Here are a few strategies that might help you manage your frustration:
1. Reframe Your Thoughts: You can’t change him, but you can change the way you think about him. Instead of letting everything he does annoy you, try to focus on more neutral or positive aspects. How can you reinterpret his behaviors or personality in a way that is less upsetting? For example, if he frequently interrupts you during meetings, try thinking, “He’s eager to contribute and may not realize he’s interrupting. I can address it calmly.”
2. Focus on Positive Qualities: He can’t be all bad, right? Try to consciously identify and focus on any positive traits or strengths this coworker might have, no matter how small. Recognizing and focusing on these positives can shift your perspective and reduce frustration.
For example, maybe he’s generally loud and boisterous, but he also lightens up those typically serious quarterly meetings with his jokes, which you actually find pretty funny. Or perhaps he’s been really reliable lately, consistently meeting deadlines or helping out with projects.
3. Practice Self-Soothing Techniques: When you start feeling overwhelmed by his behavior, using quick self-soothing techniques can be crucial, especially in a professional setting. You can try deep breathing, taking short breaks, or going for a quick walk. These techniques can help calm your emotions and reduce immediate stress, which allows you to stay professional, communicate more effectively, and manage your reactions better.
Outside of work, you might try to find a positive outlet to channel your frustration into something constructive - whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or talking it out with a friend, finding a healthy outlet can help reduce your overall stress.
4. Set Boundaries: If possible, set clear boundaries for interacting with this coworker. Keep your interactions with him work-related and professional. Maintain a polite but detached demeanor, and try to limit interactions to brief, positive exchanges. For example, you could say, “Great job on that report. Thanks!” This might help improve how you both interact over time.
Bonus: Try a Loving Kindness Practice
Holding onto anger is like carrying a heavy load—it weighs you down while the other person goes on unaffected. To lighten the load, try this Loving Kindness practice: Find a quiet spot, take a few deep breaths, and visualize the person. Repeat these phrases to yourself:
“May you be happy,”
“May you be healthy,”
“May you live a joyful life.”
Repeat these phrases a few times, with the intention of genuinely wishing them well. Even if it feels awkward, nurturing a compassionate mindset can make a big difference.
If these strategies don’t help, talking to a therapist could offer additional support. Reach out to our client care coordinator today to find a therapist who can support you in managing these feelings.
Hang in there! :)
Kalie Pham, AMFT
