Navigating Grief
Grief is something we all experience at some point in our lives. Whether it’s grieving the end of a relationship, the death of someone close to you, or even the loss of an old version of yourself, it hits us all in unique and deeply personal ways. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to grieving and I want to emphasize that there is no "right" way to grieve.
Navigating grief can feel like a journey without a map; perplexing, lonely, and disorienting. It doesn’t have a linear timeline. You might cycle through stages, jump back and forth, or even skip some altogether. While each person’s grief looks and feels different, there are certain stages of grief that most individuals experience at some point or another. The five stages of grief were coined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. While her model was originally based on the emotional responses of terminally ill patients, there is ongoing research to support the presence of these stages in broader experiences of loss and grief.
*Please note that the following stages are not a strict progression or checklist; they are merely a common experience amongst people who experience grief.
1. Denial
For many, denial is the first response to loss. It’s our mind’s way of protecting us from the full weight of the pain we’re feeling. It can show up as shock, disbelief, or avoidance. You might find yourself saying things like, “This can’t be real,” or, “This isn’t happening.” It’s a natural part of the process.
What it might feel like: Feeling numb or detached from reality, going through the motions, and finding it hard to accept the situation.
What it might look like: Over-scheduling yourself, avoiding reminders of the loss, or acting as if nothing has changed.
2. Anger
Anger typically surfaces when denial starts to dissipate, and we’re hit with the reality of the loss. You may feel anger towards yourself, others, or even the person or thing you’ve lost. The loss of someone or something meaningful can feel unfair, and anger is a natural response to the injustice.
What it might feel like: Frustration, irritation, resentment, and sometimes even rage. You might find yourself asking, “Why me?”
What it might look like: Emotional outbursts, feeling irritated over small things, or redirecting your anger towards unrelated situations.
3. Bargaining
In my experience, the bargaining stage seems to be the most misunderstood experience within grief. In this stage, we may find ourselves negotiating or making deals—whether with ourselves, a higher power, or just fate. It's a way to regain some control over what feels like an uncontrollable situation. This might sound like, “If only I had done this differently,” or, “Maybe if I do this, things will go back to how they were.”
What it might feel like: Anxiety, guilt, and a sense of desperation. You might ruminate on “what ifs” and “should haves.”
What it might look like: Trying to "fix" things, engaging in rituals, or mentally replaying scenarios where the loss could have been prevented or gone differently than the reality.
4. Depression
When reality fully sets in, the weight of the loss can bring on deep sadness. Depression in grief is not just a mental or emotional experience—it can be physically draining. You may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, or isolated.
What it might feel like: Deep sadness, fatigue, and sometimes numbness. It’s common to feel like you’ve lost your sense of purpose, meaning, fulfillment, or direction.
What it might look like: Withdrawing from others, losing interest in activities you once enjoyed, trouble sleeping, or feeling physically tired, empty, or heavy.
5. Acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t always mean that everything’s suddenly okay or that you’ve moved on. It doesn’t mean you will never be affected by the loss again. It means you’re learning to live with the reality of your loss. You might still feel sadness, but you're able to integrate the loss into your life and start to move forward, piece by piece. Acceptance means making peace with the loss, understanding that while life may never be the same, you can still find ways to live fully with the memory and presence of what was lost.
What it might feel like: A sense of peace or resolution, a readiness to move forward while carrying the loss with you. For some, acceptance feels like finding meaning in the loss.
What it might look like: Re-engaging with life, finding ways to honor what you’ve lost, exploring new routines, rebuilding connections, and experiencing joy.
The Role of the Ego in Mourning
The ego plays a significant role in grief and mourning as it’s deeply tied to our sense of identity and attachment. When we experience loss, our ego can feel threatened because it’s grappling with a changed reality that disrupts the ego’s need for control, stability, and the familiar. Mourning forces the ego to confront vulnerability, uncertainty, and the impermanence of life, which can trigger defense mechanisms like denial or anger. In time, healthy mourning helps the ego adapt, letting go of rigid attachments and embracing a new, evolving sense of self.
The ego can be very present in the bargaining stage; clinging onto the illusion of what "should have been." The beautiful thing about the human experience is that we can adapt. Loss allows the ego to evolve—shifting from a place of resistance to one of surrender. Through the process of grief, the ego gradually learns to reconcile with change and impermanence, and in turn allows us to gain a more flexible and resilient sense of self.
You might experience the stages of grief in a different order than I wrote them. You may revisit some or never go through others. Grief isn’t a straight path—it can come in waves; sometimes calm and other times overwhelming. You might feel fine one day, then suddenly something—like a song, a smell, or an anniversary— can bring it all back. That’s completely normal. You’re not doing it “wrong.” You’re grieving in your own way, and that’s exactly what you need to do.
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and no two experiences are the same. But the one thing that’s true for everyone is this: You’re not alone. Though grief can feel like an incredibly lonely journey, it’s a shared part of the human experience. If you're experiencing loss of any kind, there’s a team of therapists at Root to Rise Therapy who would love to support you on your healing journey. Reach out to our Client Care Coordinator today to connect with a therapist who aligns with your needs!
Warmly,
Sophia Rodriguez, AMFT
