Who is talking - my ego or my intuition?
When it comes to taking steps on your life path, you often hear people urging you to “follow your gut.” But what exactly does that mean? And if you aren’t following our gut, what are you following?
You have two choices: to primarily listen to either your ego or your intuitive inner voice. So how do you differentiate between the two? How do you know if you are “trusting your gut” or following an ego-driven desire?
Ego traits include caring about superficial image and wanting to please people who will help the ego get seen, recognized, and known. The ego typically wants you to excel at whatever you do and struggles with being new at an activity because it doesn't want to look bad in front of other people. The ego tends to look at the superficial regarding dating, wants someone who fits all criteria, and quickly discounts people.
Allowing the ego to be dominant can be problematic for many reasons. One reason is that someone could go down an ego-driven path and then find years later that it was not the path they wanted to take. Hello quarter-life and mid-life crises!
In contrast, heartfelt intuition seeks to find a career that it loves doing and energizes them. The intuition finds significance in the small moments of everyday life and feels grateful for those moments. It is not worried about making mistakes because it loves learning. Intuition connects with others by listening to them and how they feel in their body and heart in the moment.
How can you decipher if it is your ego dominating your life path or your heartfelt intuition leading the way?
One way is by listening to your body. If your heart is racing, your chest feels tight, your breath is shallow, your jaw is gripping, or your shoulders are stiff, that can indicate that your ego is speaking when making a decision. On the other hand, if your heart feels warm, your breath is free, your eyes moisten, or your body feels relaxed during your inner dialogue, those are body cues of your intuition speaking.
Tendencies of the ego
Another way to decipher in the moment is by knowing the common tendencies of the ego and becoming aware of your inner dialogue. Here are a few areas in which your ego might dominate your path forward:
1. Decisions about your career
The ego wants to make money quickly and achieve as fast as possible. The ego may want to give up on a career path if it is not getting the results of a sizable income and prestige fast enough. The ego will stick around in a career that it hates for a while if there is enough income, accolades, and approval from employers, family, friends, and society. The ego may not prioritize basic needs like sleep and eating and instead put work above all else. The ego can treat the body like a machine and push the body to exhaustion.
"I want to be the best in the world at _____."
"I am not interested in studying _____, but pursuing this career is the only way my parents will be proud of me."
"I will be nice to my boss just to get recognized."
"I feel down and have no time to take care of myself, but what matters most is that I get promoted."
2. Decisions about hobbies
The ego is impatient and doesn't like fumbling around to get better at something. The ego wants results quickly and wants to be able to do that handstand to chaturanga soon after watching someone do it on social media. The ego likes the idea of how something looks to others and gets frustrated if it is not achieving that ideal.
"I don't even want to try this new activity my friend invited me to because I will suck at it, and I want to be the best at everything I do."
"If I don't post this activity on social media, it is like it didn't happen."
"Those people on social media made this look so cool and easy. I give up."
3. Decisions about dating
The ego will give someone a chance that meets a specific professional and physical standard they have quantified. The ego may be skeptical of someone different from them regarding economics, family background, or culture. The ego wants to choose someone outwardly impressive to family, friends, and societal norms above all else.
"I can't date this person because their job title sounds boring and mediocre."
"I can't date them because they don't fit all of my specific criteria."
"I can't date them because my family won't like them."
"I can't date them because they are of a different _______ (insert SES, family background, or culture)."
Listening to your inner intuitive voice
As opposed to letting the ego drive your decisions, opening your heart and allowing your intuition to lead the way supports you in living a more fulfilling and joyous life.
A good indication that you are following your heartfelt intuition is if your inner dialogue goes something like this:
1. Decisions about your career
The intuition sees how different job positions are times to learn and grow along the way toward heartfelt goals and sees the value in the day-to-day tasks moving them forward towards a sincere vision. The intuition likes to collaborate with others in their field.
"I am fully committed to this journey because it lights me up! I feel energized and joyous along the way."
"I am not worried about taking a step back on my path because each time I learn so much, and then I take many more steps forward."
"This task is a bit tedious; however, I remain motivated because I see how it contributes to my greater vision."
"If I have the potential to bring a smile to someone’s face or enhance a product that can help others, I am making a difference."
2. Decisions about hobbies
The intuition finds enjoyment in progress and doesn't mind falling or possibly looking foolish in front of others.
"I am a beginner at this, and I don't care that I look silly."
"I am making progress. I can do this move a little bit better than last week."
"I am taking this chance to join a group activity, even if I fall and everyone looks at me."
3. Decisions about dating
The intuition is receptive to someone surprising them along their dating journey.
"I might have criteria in my mind; however, that is secondary. I am open to getting to know someone deeper and having them surprise me!"
"This person seems pretty genuine. I am looking forward to getting to know them better."
"I want to connect with someone who listens, is engaged, and takes an interest in me."
"I want to be with someone honest and trustworthy in their words and actions."
How your intuition and ego can be a team
You do not need to forgo the ego entirely and only live in your heartfelt intuition. Instead, the two can work in harmony together. Not everyone desires or can leave behind worldly possessions, meditate for 8 hours a day, and devote their lives to charitable work. And sometimes, doing that could come from the ego with the desire to "be good" and be the "best good person."
Nurture your intuition and allow the ego to follow the intuition's lead. While the ego often wants to be the dominant voice and squash the intuition, you can start to listen to your intuition more as your guide and your ego as the executive assistant. Choose to nurture intuition through heartfelt self-care practices and then call on the ego to support you in getting work done aligned with your genuine goals and intuition. The ego can be an excellent supporting role for your intuition because the ego is great at making lists, organizing, planning, and strategizing.
Ask yourself, "Who is talking? Is it my ego or my intuition?" This simple awareness can help you identify, tune in, and listen more to your intuition.
Our therapists can support you in deciphering whether it is your ego or your intuition that is talking in a given situation. We're here to help you along your journey. We would love to hear from you.
Reach out to our Client Care Coordinator today!
Warmly,
Root to Rise Therapy
P.S. In a subsequent blog, I plan to share more ways to nurture intuition with self-care practices. Here are some posts from my colleagues to assist you in boosting your intuition:
Becky's post on "How to Start a Morning Routine"
Atalie's post on "How to Start a Mindfulness Practice"
Atalie's post on "The 6 Best Strategies for Decision Making"
