15 Traits of Successful Couples: Building a Love That Lasts
As a couples therapist, I’ve had the joy of witnessing what makes relationships thrive. While every couple is unique, the happiest and most connected ones share key habits that keep their love strong. Here are 15 simple but powerful traits that can help you and your partner build a relationship that feels safe, joyful, and deeply fulfilling.
1. Active Listening
Great couples don’t just hear each other—they truly listen. That means slowing down, removing distractions, and giving your partner your full attention. Try starting with, "Tell me more," and repeat back what you heard to make sure you understand correctly. This builds trust and deepens connection.
2. Repair Attempts
Every couple argues, but the strongest ones know how to make things right. A simple "I messed up, let me fix this" can change the entire tone of an argument. Small, intentional acts like a reassuring touch, a gentle joke, or a soft-spoken apology can pull people back together and create emotional safety.
3. Empathy Over Ego
Putting aside the need to be right and finding something in your partner’s perspective that you can validate builds emotional closeness. Happy couples focus on understanding each other’s feelings rather than winning the argument.
4. Daily Appreciation
You don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day or birthdays to make something special. Finding ways to make your partner feel loved on regular days—through kind words, small gestures, or thoughtful surprises—keeps love alive.
5. Shared Meaning
The happiest couples create rituals and traditions that bring them closer, whether it’s Sunday morning coffee, an inside joke, or a shared dream for the future.
6. Curiosity, Not Assumptions
Instead of assuming you know what your partner is thinking, stay curious! Asking open-ended questions and showing genuine interest keeps the relationship fresh and connected.
7. Soft Startups
How you start a conversation matters. Instead of leading with blame or criticism, begin with “I feel…” instead of “You never…” This sets the stage for a more productive and kindhearted conversation.
8. Owning Your Triggers
We all have emotional triggers, and recognizing them helps keep arguments from spiraling. Taking responsibility for your reactions instead of blaming your partner leads to healthier conversations. We all bring our own baggage into relationships, and by owning your triggers, you take responsibility for what you contribute rather than blaming your partner for triggering it in you.
9. Healthy Boundaries
Love flourishes when both partners feel safe and respected. That means balancing time together and time apart, honoring each other’s needs, and saying “no” when necessary.
10. Turning Towards Bids
Relationships are built in the little moments—like responding to a partner’s joke, hug, or request for attention. Choosing to turn towards these “bids” instead of ignoring them strengthens your emotional connection.
11. Safe Conflict
It’s not about avoiding arguments but learning how to handle them with care. The best couples fight fair—no name-calling, shutting down, or attacking—so both partners feel heard and valued.
12. Physical Affection
A simple touch, a hug after a long day, or holding hands while watching TV releases oxytocin—the “love hormone”—and helps strengthen your bond.
13. Dream Support
Happy couples cheer each other on. Whether it’s a career goal, a fitness challenge, or a creative dream, supporting each other’s aspirations makes the relationship feel like a true partnership.
14. 5:1 Positivity Ratio
Strong relationships have at least five positive interactions for every negative one. A little playfulness, kindness, and laughter go a long way in keeping love alive.
15. Storytelling Your Love
Couples who cherish their shared history, celebrate their best moments, and learn from their challenges do better. Successful couples like to reminisce on their good moments and tell their love story over and over again.
Love isn’t just about finding the right person—it’s about choosing each other every day. Which traits do you and your partner already practice, and which could you strengthen? A little effort in these areas can turn a good relationship into an incredible one! If you and your partner would like extra support in deepening your connection, therapy can be a great space to work on these skills. Reach out to our client care coordinator to schedule a session and start building the relationship you both deserve!
Warmly,
Helene Bringsli, AMFT
