Sentiment Override
Why Do Small Things Feel Bigger Depending on Our Mood?
My bag only gets stuck on the door handle when I’m having a bad day. Everyone is super annoying when I’m grumpy. My friend’s irritating boyfriend breathes too loudly. When I’m feeling happy it’s easier to find joy in the smaller everyday moments.
Does my inner monologue resonate with you? It might, if you already think I’m a relatable person ;)
Let me introduce the concept of sentiment override.
What Is Sentiment Override?
Sentiment override speaks to our likelihood to interpret stimulus in a certain way based on our background or foundational feeling about the world, other people, or ourselves.
For example, if my baseline feeling toward my friend’s boyfriend is negative, I am much more likely to interpret neutral stimulus, like breathing, as something annoying. If my baseline feeling toward the world is that good things are happening, I am more likely to observe acts of kindness around me.
If I am already in a bad mood and wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I’m even more prone to notice my bag getting stuck on the door handle and hitting every red light. And if you already think of me as someone relatable and reputable, you are more likely to agree with what I’m saying here!
Why Does Sentiment Override Matter in Relationships?
So, why does this matter? In a relationship, your general sentiment toward your partner matters.
Let’s look at this through a couples therapy lens:
What Is Positive Sentiment Override?
Couples often reflect to me that they feel even closer on vacation. Of course they do! Usually, daily stressors are stripped away, and the general feeling is one of calm and joy.
They are able to overlook smaller negative moments that might have felt overwhelming and glaring back home. Positive sentiment can be built through a combination of behavior change and perception change.
Bringing your attention more consciously to what you are grateful for, what your partner is already doing well, and things that you might have started viewing as the expectation rather than something to be highlighted. The more we call out the positive, the more that behavior is reinforced as well.
When the relationship is feeling good, it’s much easier to keep feeling good.
What Is Negative Sentiment Override?
Dishes in the sink come up almost daily as an example of frustration within a couple. When the emotional temperature of the relationship has been negative, the dishes come to represent a pattern of carelessness or disrespect.
A few months ago, when you and your partner were feeling great and connected, those dishes might have gone unnoticed. Now, the general tone of the relationship overpowers any attempt at a positive perception.
How Do You Interrupt Negative Sentiment Override?
Breaking out of a tone of negative sentiment override requires intentional effort. When you notice yourself beginning to form stories and interpretations, this is time for some reality testing.
Ask yourself, “Is this actually the reality, or is there something deeper that is coloring my perception?”
This allows us to address the deeper hurt underneath and get to the root of our relational wounds. Reality testing gives us the opportunity to have the conversation that really matters—the one where we can be vulnerable and heal.
When we use the dishes as our entry point, the importance of our hurt can get overshadowed. When you notice your relationship sentiment feeling negative, this is a great time to begin couples therapy to help untangle those deeper threads.
When Should Sentiment Override Not Be Reframed?
I want to make it very clear that this concept does not condone invalidating or minimizing our feelings. We do not want to overlook boundary crossing, abuse, hurtful behavior, or anything else that doesn’t feel good.
If you notice yourself in a negative sentiment override with someone, this is useful information that helps us investigate further. It can mean that the relationship needs repair and healing. There are many legitimate problems that need to be addressed and taken seriously rather than reframed.
We want to be able to discern between interpreting neutral actions negatively because of a temporary emotional climate versus a pattern of harmful or abusive behavior. These different situations require different responses.
How Can Couples Therapy Help With Sentiment Override?
Recognizing these patterns on your own is hard—and this is exactly what couples therapy is for.
The therapists at Root to Rise are here to provide an outside perspective and help both partners understand the deeper wounds that may be coloring their filters. In therapy, we can work together to rebuild a foundation of positive sentiment.
Reach out to our Client Care Coordinator today to get started.
Warmly,
Jessica Leader LMFT
