In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.
Our senses play a pivotal role in how we form, store, and retrieve memories. This is because the brain areas responsible for processing sensory input are closely linked to the regions that store and retrieve memories. The hippocampus, which organizes and recalls memories, works together with the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. They ensure that emotionally charged events are more vividly stored in memory. This link exists for both extraordinarily painful and joyful memories alike.
When we talk about “trauma,” we’re talking about an emotional or psychological response to a distressing event or experience. It’s not necessarily the event itself that’s traumatic but rather the way it impacts a person’s sense of safety, stability, or identity. Trauma often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or disconnected from themselves or others.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.
Are you and your partner stuck in gridlock on an issue that never seems to get resolved? No matter how many times you’ve tried to make headway, neither of you can discuss the matter calmly, often ending up feeling frustrated and defeated. Researcher Dr. John Gottman describes these issues as perpetual problems within relationships—recurring issues without a clear solution or endpoint, leading to ongoing disagreement or tension. Perpetual problems stem from fundamental differences between partners, such as personalities, beliefs, priorities, upbringing, or values, which can be deeply ingrained and resistant to change. Dr. Gottman’s extensive relationship research suggests that approximately 69% of relationship problems are perpetual.
There is so much complexity in relating to others’ experiences while effectively relaying our own experience! One of the most powerful practices I’ve adopted and shared with my clients is the art of holding two truths at one.
Open communication is the backbone of all relationships, and this is especially crucial in a long-distance relationship. When you’re in different physical places, it can feel like you’re living two separate lives unless the communication is open and consistent.
We all want to feel valid in our experience—and for our partner to acknowledge it.
As a therapist, one of the most effective tools I teach couples is how to practice validation.
Once they start actively strengthening their validation muscle, emotional security can be nurtured. This is because validation in a relationship increases trust, strengthens empathy, and creates space for vulnerability.
Have you ever confided in someone about a vulnerable topic, only to be met with some variation of “Don’t be sad” or “It’ll be okay!” While well-intentioned, these responses can be more harmful than helpful.
A couple of weeks ago, I realized I was in a funk. I started sharing my experience with a friend after working up the courage to ask for support, who immediately launched into a very cheery explanation of everything that makes her feel better that ended with “You’ll feel better in no time!” After the conversation, I was left feeling withdrawn and confused. Why had this made me feel worse? The advice she gave me (journaling, positive affirmations, headspace shifting, and exercise) was exactly what I would and have recommended to clients and friends. On top of that, I know she was trying so hard to help me and I felt ungrateful. The problem was, I KNEW all of the advice she gave me already, but it’s really hard to “just shift your headspace” or “just think positively” when you’re struggling to get out of bed. Whether or not it was her intention, the subtext I heard was that the way I was feeling was a choice I was making and I should just snap out of it.
When I first heard the term “toxic positivity,” it felt like an oxymoron. How could positivity be toxic?
