Relationships & Communication, Sophia's Posts
Becky White George
Validation in Romantic Relationships

The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.

Validation in Romantic Relationships
Atalie's Posts, Relationships & Communication
Becky White George
Flexibility In Friendships

A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.

Flexibility In Friendships
Jessica's Posts, Trauma and Mental Health
Becky White George
Intellectualizing Feelings

I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them.

Intellectualizing Feelings
Kalie's posts, Self Care & Mindfulness
Becky White George
The Animal Within

I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.

The Animal Within
Jessica's Posts, Therapy: Getting Started
Becky White George
What I Wish Clients Knew

We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.

What I Wish Clients Knew

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Toxic Positivity

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Toxic Positivity

Have you ever confided in someone about a vulnerable topic, only to be met with some variation of “Don’t be sad” or “It’ll be okay!” While well-intentioned, these responses can be more harmful than helpful.

A couple of weeks ago, I realized I was in a funk. I started sharing my experience with a friend after working up the courage to ask for support, who immediately launched into a very cheery explanation of everything that makes her feel better that ended with “You’ll feel better in no time!” After the conversation, I was left feeling withdrawn and confused. Why had this made me feel worse? The advice she gave me (journaling, positive affirmations, headspace shifting, and exercise) was exactly what I would and have recommended to clients and friends. On top of that, I know she was trying so hard to help me and I felt ungrateful. The problem was, I KNEW all of the advice she gave me already, but it’s really hard to “just shift your headspace” or “just think positively” when you’re struggling to get out of bed. Whether or not it was her intention, the subtext I heard was that the way I was feeling was a choice I was making and I should just snap out of it.

When I first heard the term “toxic positivity,” it felt like an oxymoron. How could positivity be toxic?

Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles

Working with a therapist can help you address and reflect on lingering issues from childhood that might be impacting your ability to form secure and meaningful relationships as an adult. It can help you develop a sense of security as an individual that can be carried over into your relationships with others. Your therapist can act as that secure base, listening attentively and non-judgmentally as you take a deep dive into this journey of your past and self-exploration.

A benefit of this work can be focusing on understanding and rebuilding your trust in others and the world around you, as well as learning techniques to understand how to set clear boundaries with yourself and others. Working with your therapist, you can learn to “re-parent” yourself with love and compassion, and that can help you realize your purpose and replace those fearful thoughts associated with abandonment and being hurt by others.

Attachment theory recognizes four different types of attachment: anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure.

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Couple's Therapy Types

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Couple's Therapy Types

So you have read the first post in this series, Can Marriage Counseling Save My Marriage, and now you are ready to take the brave step to start couples therapy. Maybe you began researching marriage counseling, and you found that there are multiple approaches to marriage therapy like CBCT, IBCT, Gottman, and EFT, and you may have become overwhelmed. Do not get discouraged! We hope to answer some of the most frequently asked questions about the different types of marriage counseling and how to pick the right one for your relationship.

The structure and style of marriage counseling vary depending on the therapist and the couple's needs. There are various styles of couples counseling approaches that therapists may primarily utilize. Some types are more behavioral-based, some rely on a structured method, and some are more intuitive and emotionally focused. It is helpful to find out what style of therapy a prospective therapist utilizes and see if it suits you.

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Couple's Conflict

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Couple's Conflict

It’s Never about the Tacos

We’ve all been there: those tiny trivial triggers that lead to big blow-up fights. Sitting across the table from each other with scattered taco fixings between you, wrist deep in guacamole, fighting about who left the spoon in the sour cream. Luckily, my husband and I were able to break down and process the The Great Taco Fight of 2022, and get to the core of what was going on. And you would never have guessed (or maybe you would): all the different ways we were triggered that had nothing to do with tacos (ex: I was hangry, he felt unappreciated, etc, etc.) The good news for all of us (myself included) is that couples therapy is a wonderful opportunity to explore these faster-than-the-speed-of-light escalations.

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Split Ambivalence

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Split Ambivalence

“Splitting the ambivalence” describes the phenomenon that occurs when two people become so polarized in their stances that they are unable to step out of their positions. This occurs in relationships of all forms, but for this conversation I’m going to focus on romantic relationships. As Esther Perel describes it, “people come in with a story that is either/or” and the story becomes ‘I want one thing and my partner wants the opposite’. When one person adamantly says they want one thing, and the other passionately says no, it feels like one partner has 0% doubt and the other is 100% doubtful. Rather than meeting in the middle, one partner takes on one half of the perspective, which polarizes and puts the other half on their partner. I know this can all be a bit confusing in generalities, so here’s an example of how it can play out in couples therapy.

 

Start With You. Today.