Every couple has logistics to manage, and healthy relationships do require collaboration. But what often gets missed is that problem-solving only works well when both partners feel emotionally safe enough to actually stay engaged in the conversation.
Oftentimes, people believe that memories are stored in the brain exactly the way in which they happened - waiting to be unpacked. But the reality is, our brain reconstructs memories, which allows these experiences to change over time.
One of the most common things I come across with couples when working through an argument is their dissatisfaction with not seeing “eye to eye”. And I get it, it would be SO much easier if we could solve our relationship problems by looking through the same lens or flat-out agreeing on everything. But the truth is, we don’t. And guess what? That’s ok!
Sometimes it’s difficult to know if therapy is the right choice for you at the stage of your life that you’re in. So, how do we make that decision?
Most people who overthink aren’t doing it because they enjoy worrying. They’re doing it because some part of them believes that if they think hard enough, long enough, or carefully enough, they can prevent pain, rejection, disappointment, or uncertainty.
Every couple has logistics to manage, and healthy relationships do require collaboration. But what often gets missed is that problem-solving only works well when both partners feel emotionally safe enough to actually stay engaged in the conversation.
One of the most common things I come across with couples when working through an argument is their dissatisfaction with not seeing “eye to eye”. And I get it, it would be SO much easier if we could solve our relationship problems by looking through the same lens or flat-out agreeing on everything. But the truth is, we don’t. And guess what? That’s ok!
The dependency on love to ultimately feel good about ourselves today is sometimes known as codependency or love addiction, and has become normalized in our society, especially in context to monogamous romantic relationships.
To pause does not mean to avoid, withdraw, dismiss, or ignore your partner's feelings. In fact, it signals, “I care enough to truly listen to what you have to say, but my brain isn’t in the right place to do that right now”.
Many people expect that a steady, responsive, emotionally available partner will automatically feel calming. Instead, many people feel tense or suspicious when someone shows up in a genuinely healthy way. This isn’t a personality flaw, it’s a predictable attachment and nervous system response. So why is this?
My bag only gets stuck on the door handle when I’m having a bad day. Everyone is super annoying when I’m grumpy. My friend’s irritating boyfriend breathes too loudly. When I’m feeling happy it’s easier to find joy in the smaller everyday moments. Does my inner monologue resonate with you?
Emotional safety is the core foundation in relationships. It’s vital for building trust, vulnerability and intentional connection. This foundation allows you to show up authentically in your relationships, and it also allows you to do so without fear of being judged or rejected.
In therapy, I frequently work with couples who have focused on togetherness and might have neglected separateness, or vice versa. We can spend so much time and energy strengthening our relationships that our own individuation can get neglected. Here’s some of what I’ve learned from working with couples
Entering a long-distance relationship often feels like an emotional whirlwind - anxiety, worry, sadness, excitement. Whether you’re beginning your relationship long-distance or transitioning into it, the experience can be a major adjustment.
