Can Marriage Counseling Save My Marriage?
[SPOILER ALERT: This article includes scenes from And Just Like That ]
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“Do you have your hearing aids in?” - Miranda
“Yeah, one of them.” - Steve
”Well, can you get the other? I want to talk to you about something?” - Miranda
“Just talk into this one.” - Steve
“I would rather not have to yell it.” - Miranda
“Ok, I think it is in the couch cushions.” - Steve
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Leading up to this scene from And Just Like That, Miranda admits to her friends that she has been unhappy in her relationship for years, yet she has not talked to her partner, Steve, about her feelings. Time goes by where she unhappily eats dessert by his side without talking to him. Miranda does not speak to Steve about her unhappiness, desire for change, or attraction to other people outside of their marriage. Instead, she holds it in and drinks excessively. Finally, she has a relationship outside of her marriage without discussing opening the marriage with her husband. At first glance, it may seem like an affair was an impulse, but on closer inspection, this had been building up for a long time.
Would you like to save your marriage before you find yourself splitting up to a blaring sports game in the background while you search for your hearing aids? The good news is, marriage counseling can help. Keep reading to find out how.
What is Marriage Counseling?
Marriage counseling is for any couple looking to connect better with their partner. Counseling is a safe place where couples can feel comfortable to express their concerns about the relationship. They can learn tools to better communicate and ways to relate to each other more constructively and tenderly.
Marriage counseling is not only for married couples. In fact, the name is rather dated– marriage counseling is really the same as relationship counseling and couples counseling, and is for unmarried couples, monogamous couples, couples in open relationships, polyamorous relationships, or any partners in significant relationships. We have even treated business partners who are having trouble communicating!
When is Marriage Counseling Needed?
Marriage counseling is needed when couples continue to run into the same distressing communication issues or the same problems over and over again, maybe with a slightly different disguise. Oftentimes, we make negative assumptions about the other person’s intentions. In counseling you’ll have an opportunity to practice healthy communication by learning new ways to express your feelings when you’re hurt, and start listening to understand your partner’s perspective. You do not need to have experienced extreme distress to seek marriage counseling. In fact, if you are reading this blog and are interested in improving communication and closeness in your relationship, couples counseling will likely be beneficial.
Marriage counseling can help with trust issues, infidelity, parenting issues, relationship ambivalence, codependency, intimacy issues, financial disagreements, and can also offer a safe space for premarital couples to work out some of these issues before they marry.
Is Marriage Counseling Recommended for Any Couple?
Usually, couples come to counseling hoping to learn how to communicate better and understand each other on a deeper level. Some couples come to counseling as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage, while others are deeply in love and committed but have one core issue that keeps coming up. Ideally, each member of a couple has already engaged in some sort of their own individual therapy before seeking marriage counseling, but don’t let that stop you from seeking couples counseling if this is not the case.
Marriage counseling is not recommended for couples experiencing or who have experienced recent or repeated domestic violence incidents. Marriage counseling can make things worse because counseling can escalate tension in the relationship. If a partner has a history of physical violence towards a partner, this can reoccur during marriage counseling. In these cases, individual therapy for both partners in the relationship is recommended, as well as Domestic Violence and Emotion Regulation class. If you are the victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support: (800) 799-7233.
How Does Marriage Counseling Work?
You can expect to work through crucial issues and communicate about them more deeply. Although solutions might not present themselves immediately, you can lay the foundation for resolutions to be found. It is a space to experience the root of core relationship wounds and begin the process of healing from those wounds. It is a place for individuals to feel genuinely heard by their partners without interruptions or rebuttals. Counseling allows couples to share feelings and hurts without blame or shame.
Marriage counseling is not simply relationship advice. It is an experiential process where couples come together to uncover their underlying feelings, and to express themselves in a safe space.
Marriage counseling is an example of primary prevention because it provides clients with a safe space to share and gain tools for communicating more effectively. The real work for couples is taking what they learn and practice in session into the rest of their lives. The best marriage counseling challenges clients to create these shifts in their home lives when the therapist isn’t there to mediate.
Where to Start with Marriage Counseling?
At Root to Rise, we make it easy to start marriage counseling! Begin by contacting our Client Care Coordinator who will match you with the best therapist for your needs. The next step is meeting with myself or another therapist for an initial intake and then beginning your journey to a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship.
Warmly,
Root to Rise Therapy