Atalie's Posts, Relationships & Communication
Becky White George
The Importance of Social Connection

In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.

The Importance of Social Connection
Jessica's Posts, Trauma and Mental Health
Becky White George
Sense Memories

Our senses play a pivotal role in how we form, store, and retrieve memories. This is because the brain areas responsible for processing sensory input are closely linked to the regions that store and retrieve memories. The hippocampus, which organizes and recalls memories, works together with the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. They ensure that emotionally charged events are more vividly stored in memory. This link exists for both extraordinarily painful and joyful memories alike.

Sense Memories
Trauma and Mental Health, Helene's Posts
Becky White George
Identifying Trauma

When we talk about “trauma,” we’re talking about an emotional or psychological response to a distressing event or experience. It’s not necessarily the event itself that’s traumatic but rather the way it impacts a person’s sense of safety, stability, or identity. Trauma often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or disconnected from themselves or others.

Identifying Trauma
Relationships & Communication, Kalie's posts
Becky White George
Nurturing Friendships

I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).

Nurturing Friendships
Relationships & Communication, Sophia's Posts
Becky White George
Validation in Romantic Relationships

The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.

Validation in Romantic Relationships

premarital counseling

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Premarital Therapy

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Premarital Therapy

Sometimes people assume couples therapy is predominately for married couples or couples in crisis, however, couples also commonly come to our practice for premarital therapy. Premarital therapy can support you on the preventive side and set you up for a happier marriage. In our sessions, I hear couples share how grateful they are for going to premarital therapy because there are so many facets of their relationship that they didn't think to address until they started. In 10 sessions, we touch on the following 7 premarital topics.

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Using Our Wise Mind

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Using Our Wise Mind

Have you ever been in a situation where you were struggling to “trust your gut”? Maybe your emotions were too powerful in that moment, and you had trouble listening to reason, or you tried to make a decision without the influence of emotion and, as a result, felt detached from your intuition. You can find yourself in these patterns when you’re struggling to balance your Emotional and Rational Minds. 

Your mind views the world and operates from three states: the Rational Mind, the Emotional Mind, and the Wise Mind.

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Toxic Positivity

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Toxic Positivity

Have you ever confided in someone about a vulnerable topic, only to be met with some variation of “Don’t be sad” or “It’ll be okay!” While well-intentioned, these responses can be more harmful than helpful.

A couple of weeks ago, I realized I was in a funk. I started sharing my experience with a friend after working up the courage to ask for support, who immediately launched into a very cheery explanation of everything that makes her feel better that ended with “You’ll feel better in no time!” After the conversation, I was left feeling withdrawn and confused. Why had this made me feel worse? The advice she gave me (journaling, positive affirmations, headspace shifting, and exercise) was exactly what I would and have recommended to clients and friends. On top of that, I know she was trying so hard to help me and I felt ungrateful. The problem was, I KNEW all of the advice she gave me already, but it’s really hard to “just shift your headspace” or “just think positively” when you’re struggling to get out of bed. Whether or not it was her intention, the subtext I heard was that the way I was feeling was a choice I was making and I should just snap out of it.

When I first heard the term “toxic positivity,” it felt like an oxymoron. How could positivity be toxic?

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I'm FINE

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I'm FINE

It’s 7 PM on a Tuesday and your partner asks, “How are you? How was your day?” You stop to consider how to answer the question. You do a quick scan of your body and try to remember the day. Your neck is hurting from sitting at the computer, thoughts swirling in your head about that salty interaction you and your partner had that morning that went unaddressed, you just got a panicked text from your mother who needs you to call her immediately, you are annoyed with yourself for eating the peanut m & m’s when you said you wouldn’t, and to boot, you were up half the night stressing about a work project, so you were completely exhausted the entire day.

So, when your partner asks “How are you?” all you are able to muster up is the answer “I’m fine. It was fine.”

I’ve heard a few acronyms to describe the word FINE. F=Fucked Up, I= Insecure, N=Neurotic, and E=Emotional.

I also heard that FINE stands for Feelings Inside Not Expressed- a slightly more compassionate description. In my example above, from the neck pain to the disappointment in myself for eating the M & Ms, to the salty interaction from the morning, there were many feelings happening that were not being said.

Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles

Working with a therapist can help you address and reflect on lingering issues from childhood that might be impacting your ability to form secure and meaningful relationships as an adult. It can help you develop a sense of security as an individual that can be carried over into your relationships with others. Your therapist can act as that secure base, listening attentively and non-judgmentally as you take a deep dive into this journey of your past and self-exploration.

A benefit of this work can be focusing on understanding and rebuilding your trust in others and the world around you, as well as learning techniques to understand how to set clear boundaries with yourself and others. Working with your therapist, you can learn to “re-parent” yourself with love and compassion, and that can help you realize your purpose and replace those fearful thoughts associated with abandonment and being hurt by others.

Attachment theory recognizes four different types of attachment: anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure.

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Couple's Therapy Types

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Couple's Therapy Types

So you have read the first post in this series, Can Marriage Counseling Save My Marriage, and now you are ready to take the brave step to start couples therapy. Maybe you began researching marriage counseling, and you found that there are multiple approaches to marriage therapy like CBCT, IBCT, Gottman, and EFT, and you may have become overwhelmed. Do not get discouraged! We hope to answer some of the most frequently asked questions about the different types of marriage counseling and how to pick the right one for your relationship.

The structure and style of marriage counseling vary depending on the therapist and the couple's needs. There are various styles of couples counseling approaches that therapists may primarily utilize. Some types are more behavioral-based, some rely on a structured method, and some are more intuitive and emotionally focused. It is helpful to find out what style of therapy a prospective therapist utilizes and see if it suits you.

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Couple's Conflict

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Couple's Conflict

It’s Never about the Tacos

We’ve all been there: those tiny trivial triggers that lead to big blow-up fights. Sitting across the table from each other with scattered taco fixings between you, wrist deep in guacamole, fighting about who left the spoon in the sour cream. Luckily, my husband and I were able to break down and process the The Great Taco Fight of 2022, and get to the core of what was going on. And you would never have guessed (or maybe you would): all the different ways we were triggered that had nothing to do with tacos (ex: I was hangry, he felt unappreciated, etc, etc.) The good news for all of us (myself included) is that couples therapy is a wonderful opportunity to explore these faster-than-the-speed-of-light escalations.

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Split Ambivalence

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Split Ambivalence

“Splitting the ambivalence” describes the phenomenon that occurs when two people become so polarized in their stances that they are unable to step out of their positions. This occurs in relationships of all forms, but for this conversation I’m going to focus on romantic relationships. As Esther Perel describes it, “people come in with a story that is either/or” and the story becomes ‘I want one thing and my partner wants the opposite’. When one person adamantly says they want one thing, and the other passionately says no, it feels like one partner has 0% doubt and the other is 100% doubtful. Rather than meeting in the middle, one partner takes on one half of the perspective, which polarizes and puts the other half on their partner. I know this can all be a bit confusing in generalities, so here’s an example of how it can play out in couples therapy.

Associate Therapist

Associate Therapist

In your search for the right therapist, you may have come across the term Associate Marriage & Family Therapist, the acronym AMFT, or the term Pre-Licensed Therapist. Perhaps you wondered what that means. You may have wondered if they are qualified or experienced enough to help you with your concerns. Maybe you’re just not sure if they can handle the complexities of your situation, but you don’t want to offend anyone by asking.

It is totally reasonable for you to wonder about these things, and any therapist’s office should welcome your questions. We’re happy to share with you that not only can associate therapists be a good fit for your needs, there are some distinct benefits to working with an associate therapist. We’ve broken them down for you here.

 

Start With You. Today.