The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.
I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
Working with someone who just gets under your skin can be incredibly tough. Here are a few strategies that might help you manage your frustration:
When it comes to ageism, these beliefs can be incredibly restrictive. For instance, they can prevent people from pursuing new hobbies, career changes, or educational goals. They can also devalue the contributions of individuals, lead them to doubt their abilities, and exclude them from opportunities they are perfectly capable of.
Are you and your partner stuck in gridlock on an issue that never seems to get resolved? No matter how many times you’ve tried to make headway, neither of you can discuss the matter calmly, often ending up feeling frustrated and defeated. Researcher Dr. John Gottman describes these issues as perpetual problems within relationships—recurring issues without a clear solution or endpoint, leading to ongoing disagreement or tension. Perpetual problems stem from fundamental differences between partners, such as personalities, beliefs, priorities, upbringing, or values, which can be deeply ingrained and resistant to change. Dr. Gottman’s extensive relationship research suggests that approximately 69% of relationship problems are perpetual.
Instead of solely focusing on initiating sex, prioritize building emotional intimacy through positive interactions, including non-sexual affection. By allowing sexual arousal to naturally emerge from the playful, fun experiences that you’re both enjoying - laughing, talking, hugging, kissing, flirting - you can build a more satisfying bond without the agenda of having sex. In the midst of hanging out and having fun, your responsive desire partner may start to get aroused.
It’s understandable to feel worried and confused about shifts in your relationship, especially when it comes to your intimacy and desire. Feeling like you're the one who always initiates sex, only to face rejection or reluctance from your partner, can lead to feelings of insecurity, frustration, and even loneliness. It's natural to crave that connection and validation from your partner, and when it feels like it's slipping away, it can leave you feeling lost and unfulfilled.
Let’s first acknowledge that talking openly about sex with our partner(s) involves some vulnerability and discomfort. However, having open conversations about sex is crucial for creating a healthier and more satisfying relationship. As much as we try to convince ourselves, humans are not capable of mind-reading, so the first step to having the sexual relationship we crave is by talking about it. We can’t get what we want without saying we want it!
