The Downside to Always Faking a Smile
Most of us have heard of toxic positivity at some point; the pressure to stay upbeat and ignore difficult emotions, even if it's more honest to feel and express them. Of course, we would love to appear and feel positive all the time, but what really are the impacts of always putting on a smile?
There’s a scene in Pixar’s Inside Out that profoundly answers this question, and it always comes to mind when I think or talk about the importance of authentic emotional expression and emotional resilience.
Let’s Set the Scene
If you haven’t seen the movie, it takes place inside the mind of an 11-year-old girl named Riley. Her emotions — Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust — are personified as characters who guide her through life from a control center in her brain. Joy, the main narrator and Riley’s dominant emotion, is determined to keep Riley happy at all costs. Sadness, meanwhile, is often seen as a nuisance — someone Joy tries to keep sidelined.
About halfway through the movie, Joy and another character, Bing Bong — Riley’s forgotten imaginary friend — fall into the Memory Dump, a dark, desolate place where old memories fade away for good. While there, Bing Bong watches his beloved rocket wagon — a symbol of the adventures he and Riley used to imagine together — disappear into the abyss. It’s the last connection he has to her childhood, and it’s gone forever.
He stands frozen. His face is blank, but the weight of the loss is palpable through his disposition and the silence. That rocket wasn’t just a toy to Bing Bong; it represented joy, imagination, and the closeness he once had with Riley.
Joy, desperate to keep spirits high, jumps into action. She dances, cracks jokes, and tries to cheer him up. “Hey, c’mon! Remember how fun that ride used to be?” she says, beaming.
But none of it works and Bing Bong doesn’t smile. He doesn’t even move. His shoulders are heavy, his gaze low.
Then, Sadness walks over. She doesn’t try to fix it. She doesn’t try to cheer him up. She just sits beside him and gently says, “That must’ve been really hard… losing that rocket. You really loved it.” And that’s it. No silver lining. No distraction. Just presence.
Bing Bong begins to cry. He talks about what the rocket meant to him. Sadness listens, and that simple act of mindful presence allows him to move through his emotional pain. After a few moments, he wipes his tears, takes a breath, and says, “Okay. Let’s go help Riley.”
In that moment, Joy realizes how her relentless positivity couldn’t reach him but Sadness could; not by fixing anything, but by simply being present in that emotion.
The Role of Joy & Sadness
While Joy is a wonderful emotion, many of us have learned to do what Joy does; power through; stay upbeat; don’t dwell. Maybe we were taught not to make things a big deal. Maybe we’ve internalized the belief that being sad means we’re weak, ungrateful, or dramatic.
So, oftentimes, we smile, say “I’m fine” and maybe change the subject. We pretend it doesn’t hurt, and sometimes that works… for a while.
But over time, constantly suppressing difficult emotions — sadness, anger, grief, fear — can take a toll. Bottled emotions don’t disappear; they tend to leak out in other ways: chronic stress, irritability, disconnection from ourselves, a sense of emptiness we can’t quite name, etc. This is why emotional suppression can harm your psychological well-being.
Moreover, constantly “faking happy” can prevent us from healing through emotional processing. Because healing often starts with feeling and acknowledging what’s real; not what we wish we felt.
Sadness isn’t something that needs to be fixed — it’s something to be felt. It slows us down so we can pay attention. It tells us, “Something mattered here.” Sometimes It shows us what we’ve lost or what we long for. And it invites connection, both with ourselves and with others.
For most of the movie, Joy sees Sadness as a problem to solve. But as she stands in disbelief at how Sadness comforts Bing Bong in a way she could not, she gains more respect for that somatic healing experience and sees the powerful role it can play in emotional regulation during painful moments.
We don’t need to live in sadness. But we do need to let it visit, let it speak and let it move through us. If you’ve found yourself constantly faking a smile, whether to keep others comfortable or to avoid your own discomfort, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to stay stuck there. Therapy for emotional health offers a space where you don’t have to pretend, and the therapists at Root to Rise Therapy would love to support you on your journey. If you would like to get started today, reach out to our Client Care Coordinator to schedule a session with a therapist who aligns with your needs!
Warmly,
Sophia Rodriguez, LMFT
