As I sat in a session with a client last week, I was overcome with a deep sense of care and fondness for them. We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.
What I wish my clients knew:
I think about you between sessions.
The therapeutic relationship doesn’t end when you walk out the door. You’re often on my mind throughout the week. I think about my clients when something significant is happening in their lives; I wonder how their conversation with their partner went or how it felt visiting their parents. Things remind me of clients between sessions, whether it’s a TikTok video, a movie I think they’d like, or a place they’ve mentioned. I also think about clients when they terminate, and every client I’ve ever worked with has stayed with me. I’ll think of a client years later and wonder how they’ve been and how their life turned out. The relationships are mutually impactful.
I do my own work.
Many therapists, myself included, are in our own therapy. To show up fully and effectively, therapists need to do our own self-reflection and healing. I may realize a blind spot or a trigger point, and it is my responsibility to process and work through these independently. Countertransference refers to a therapist’s emotional reaction to a client that is influenced by the therapist’s own experiences, biases, or unresolved issues. Therapists need to work on our own unresolved issues in our therapy to make sure they are not impacting your therapy.
I know my boundaries.
Even on tough personal days, I strive to show up for you. Whatever I am experiencing outside of work, I do my best to keep separate from the therapeutic space. However, there are of course times and life circumstances when it's difficult to be fully present. In those times, I must recognize the need to pause and take care of myself. I have canceled sessions when necessary and always check in with myself to know when I’m able to be fully present and when I’m not.
I sometimes wish that we could be friends in another universe.
I work with so many incredible people who I might love to be friends with in a different context. My clients are some of the coolest people I know and I am constantly in awe of how wonderful they are. However, there is something unique and valuable about getting to have this particular relationship that I wouldn’t trade, so I never regret the privilege of being their therapist.
I’m not perfect.
There have been times when I find myself teaching a client a skill that I’m still working on in my own life (meditation, to name just one…). Even if it seems like I have it all together, I’m certainly not immune to struggles and falling short. I’m actively growing and learning, and sometimes in the same areas my clients are. Many of us entered this field because of our own mental health journeys, inspired by the ways therapy has transformed our lives. I can’t think of a single therapist I know who wasn’t motivated by their own healing to help others.
You don’t have to have a plan for therapy.
There’s no expectation for you to come into a session with a clear agenda. In fact, some of the most meaningful sessions come from the times when you don’t know what to talk about.
Nothing is boring, not important enough, or too much to bring in. I just want to know what you’re thinking and feeling, no matter what it is. We can figure out where to go from there together.
I want to hear if something doesn’t land or if you’re upset with me.
I understand that it can feel uncomfortable to share when you don’t agree with feedback or an interpretation, but I always want you to share this with me. I’m making an educated guess and I get it wrong sometimes! You know you better than I know you, and I always want to know what feels right or what doesn’t. I also want to know if you’re feeling frustrated, abandoned, fearful, betrayed, or annoyed in our relationship. This can be a deeply meaningful experience for both of us and can help you get comfortable expressing your feelings and needs, knowing they will be received with care and accountability. These conversations can lead to deeper healing and understanding, not just in therapy, but in your relationships outside of it. I’m here to listen, learn, and repair whenever necessary.
If you’re reading through this and think you might benefit from therapy, reach out to our intake coordinator to connect with one of the therapists at Root to Rise. We are here to support you and we care about you!
Best,
Jessica Leader
