6 Tips for Boosting Self Esteem

Have you ever taken a step back to notice the mental chatter inside your head? The voice that says, “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not lovable,” “If only I looked like that, I’d be happier,” “They probably don’t like me because…”

That, my friends, is your state of self-esteem—and while self-esteem is an ongoing, dynamic process of self-appraisal, we can learn to bring it into balance—much closer to where we would like it to be.

I love working with my clients to help them build tools to completely transform their relationships with themselves and to the outside world. Working together, I can help you build a toolkit to arrive at a foundation of internal validation—one that is less reliant upon external validation (which, to be honest, is not the most reliable).

I don’t just talk the talk, I walk the walk—and, trust me, this walk is the one with the best view ;).

Here are my 6 best tips for increasing your self-esteem so that you are no longer seeking validation from the outside world and can finally look within yourself to see your true value.

6 Tips to Increase Self-Esteem:

1) Get to Know Yourself!

What are your quirks, your desires, your pain points, your passions? All of these elements make you, you!.. and you are a MIRACLE, if you really think about it. Invest time in getting to know yourself because it is truly the most profitable investment of your life. You can get to know yourself through practices such as stream-of-consciousness journaling, spending time with yourself in nature, meditating, exploring what characters in movies/television/books resonate with you and why, and reflecting on questions such as, “What words would I use to describe myself?,” “What qualities do I most admire in myself?,” “What are my biggest fears?,” “What inspires me?,” “When do I feel most energized?,” etc.

2) Identify and Acknowledge Your Strengths

Most of my clients will probably chuckle reading this because I’ve engaged them in this practice at one point or another… but hey, it works! :) Grab a pen and paper (or even sticky note pads to place all over your home) and begin to write down your strengths in “I am” statements. Write down the strengths that nobody can take away from you; the innate qualities that make you YOU; the strengths that have brought you to where you are today. We are constantly affirming thoughts and beliefs to ourselves unconsciously, so it’s time to get into the driver’s seat and increase the prevalence of beliefs that we decide to give power to. This isn’t a “fake it ‘til you make it” kind of exercise–even if it is hard to identify strengths at first, consistency and patience will allow your access to them to become more natural.

3) Learn to Laugh with Yourself

Humor is one of my favorite mediums for working through interventions with my individual and couple clients— it is truly healing. Not only does it make us feel connected, it is also a natural pain reliever! When we learn how to laugh with ourselves, we also bolster the practice of learning to love our imperfections, ultimately beginning to view them as strengths and part of what makes us deeply human. Strengthening this practice involves separating who we “should” be and who we are. It involves looking at our quirks and moments of embarrassment as part of our human nature, while applying a deep sense of self-love, kindness, nonjudgement, and humor. I encourage you to start looking for reasons to laugh every single day! Next time you catch yourself making a “mistake” or doing something imperfectly, practice laughing with yourself by taking yourself less seriously and allowing laughter to flow out with pure genuineness.

4) Mirror Work

Mirror work is a transformative practice through which you reestablish your relationship with yourself. Mirror Work by Louise Hay is a structured way to begin this practice, as it offers 21 days of phrases to recite to yourself in the mirror and journal prompts to reflect on the experience. If you’re looking for a less structured way to practice this, you can also utilize some of the strengths-based work I discussed earlier and recite those phrases to yourself in the mirror to begin building a loving and kind way of relating to yourself.

5) Love Yourself in Your Own Love Language

What are your top love languages?—and why wait for others to show you love in your own love language when you are more than capable of loving yourself?! The five love languages include: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gift Giving. There are many quizzes online to identify your love language if it isn’t as easily identifiable for you!

Is your top love language ‘Physical Touch’? Give yourself this by cradling your face in your hands or embracing yourself in a hug. If it’s ‘Words of Affirmation’, increase the frequency of compassionate affirmations that you recite to yourself each time you are feeling uneasy. Maybe it’s ‘Quality Time’? Make sure to prioritize time to be with yourself and engage in any activity that feels meaningful to you! ‘Acts of Service’ could look like preparing your lunch for the next day when you know you will be extra busy at work and could benefit from having a nutritious meal already prepped. ‘Gift Giving’ could look like buying yourself those gorgeous sunflowers that stood out to you at the grocery store or getting yourself tickets to your favorite band’s concert because they are finally in town and you missed their last one.

6) Learn to Say ‘No’ to Others In Order to Say ‘Yes’ to Yourself

An effective way to break down patterns of ‘people pleasing’ and begin to confidently assert boundaries is to remind yourself that sometimes we have to say no to others in order to say yes to ourselves. By doing this, not only do we redirect the focus back to ourselves and our needs, but we also reframe boundary setting to the whole picture, where you are still expressing the inherent desire to appease, simply directing it inward. If we do not take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others? I like to think of the “Oxygen Mask” analogy. Have you ever read the directions in case of an emergency on a plane? If you haven’t, I don’t blame you considering they’re usually nestled in the back pocket of airplane seats amongst god knows what!! Anyhow, they instruct the parent to place an oxygen mask on themselves before their child. This analogy rings true in other contexts of life–if we don’t make sure that we are pouring from a full cup, we won’t have anything to give. For further reading on boundaries, check out my blog on boundaries and sign up for Becky’s lovingly written free download 5 Tips to Setting Boundaries .

As is probably glaringly evident, I am extremely passionate about self-esteem work. Seeking out a therapist to help guide you through this process is immensely useful, so give yourself permission to invest in yourself. Contact our Client Care Coordinator today to see which of the Root to Rise Therapists is the best fit for you!

Warmly,

Atalie, AMFT

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