Reframing our Relationship with Rest
As I type out these words, I find myself feeling overwhelmingly tired and in need of rest (in part due to the record-breaking heat wave taking over Los Angeles)… and so, I find it fitting to write about my experience. In this oppressive heat, I feel an all-encompassing sense of fatigue, trouble concentrating, eyelids drooping, and muscles feeling immensely heavy as I melt into the couch. Do these sensations sound familiar? As humans, we all need rest. That much is clear. So why do so many of us have such a hard time allowing ourselves to stop, slow down, and rest?
Over the years I’ve heard, and likely uttered, phrases such as, “I don’t have time to rest,” “I have too many things to do,” “I have no reason to feel tired,” “I don’t want to be lazy,” “I feel guilty when I rest,” and so on.
The way our capitalistic society requires us to operate is ultimately not sustainable. We are not computers… and even our computers need time to recharge! —and, to add to this metaphor, even a fully charged computer will begin to overheat and freeze up if it’s running too many applications at once!
Let’s start by reframing rest as productive—and move forward from there.
Why is Rest Productive?
When you are in a state of rest, your parasympathetic nervous system is activated (a.k.a. rest-and-digest mode). During this state, your heart-rate decreases, your immune system function increases, and the organs related to digestion can work properly. We have witnessed a surge in auto-immune illnesses over the years, and the cause of many of these is due to chronic anxiety (or constantly being in fight-or-flight mode). Allowing our parasympathetic nervous system response to activate and send blood, oxygen, and resources to our gut and immune system provides monumental benefits to our overall physical health and mental wellbeing.
In terms of productivity, rest allows for recovery time. This recovery can span across the physical, mental, and physiological processes in our bodies. As we rest, we allow our bodies to recover, our brains to consolidate information and increase motivation, and, as stated earlier, our physiological processes to function at their most optimal capacity. Have you ever forced yourself through a work project, only to realize you are pushing against a wall? You’re unable to perform, yet you keep trying… and trying… and trying. This time that you spend going against your basic need of rest is, to put it simply, not productive. In terms of productivity, you are much better off investing your time and energy into recovery. Once you’ve filled your proverbial tank of gas, you’re much more capable of hopping into the driver’s seat and hitting the road towards your desired destination!
Reframing rest as productive is a great shift in perspective if you are struggling to actually rest while you’re resting, perhaps due to feelings of guilt or anxiety, however, in order to fully break through the paradigm that we are only as worthy as our productivity, we owe it to ourselves to take this concept an additional step forward.
Rest is Essential/A Basic Human Need
Image Credit to Neel Burton, M.D. via Psychology Today.
According to Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we must meet our physiological/basic needs before we can meet the needs higher up on the triangle.
One of the physiological needs includes sleep/rest. Without adequately meeting this need, we cannot fully meet our needs for safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. If we don’t prioritize rest, at some point, when we pass our threshold, our bodies will force us to rest… most likely at inopportune times and through the experience of intense discomfort from reviving ourselves as opposed to recovering ourselves.
It can be helpful to define what rest looks like for you and any barriers that arise in order to cultivate tangible shifts to your relationship with rest. Are you someone that struggles to “find the time” to rest due to a busy schedule? Schedule it into your calendar! You can be as specific as you want to be with the duration and type of rest. For instance: ‘At 2pm I will spend 30 minutes lying on my couch and watching a show’ or ‘At 5pm I will spend 15 minutes stretching my body to relaxing music’.
Lastly, if mental barriers are keeping you from resting, remind yourself: “Rest is something I deeply deserve.” Other helpful reminders can be, “I am listening to and honoring what my body needs” and/or “I am allowing myself to completely immerse into this deliciously nourishing state of rest.” Whatever these reminders are, make them meaningful to you—that’s the key!
I want to emphasize that this is all way easier said than done. Working with a therapist to help identify patterns, explore barriers and beliefs, break down societal and narrative pressures, and work towards a new relationship with rest could be the start of a wonderful journey towards enhancing your relationship with yourself and with the world around you.
Contact our Client Care Coordinator today to find out which one of the Root to Rise therapists would be the best fit for you.
With Gratitude,
Atalie Abramovici, AMFT
