Coping With Acute Illness
Flakey pie crust bakes in the oven and the aroma of cheese and tarragon wafts around me as I sit in my kitchen nook at sunset. Since childhood, the veggie pot pie has been one of my favorite dishes. I am instantly comforted whenever I smell it cooking in the oven. When I’m feeling under the weather, I find comfort in nostalgic smells.
I finally got COVID. After being quite cautious during the last 2.5 years of the pandemic, I was frustrated to ultimately get COVID simply from going about my everyday routine. When I get acutely sick, I tend to go through rapid stages of the grief cycle.*
First, I tend to go into an initial denial phase and tell myself, "oh, I am just tired," and then push forward with my responsibilities at home and with my virtual work.
Second, I get angry and think, "Oh, no. I might be sick. How could I let myself get sick at a time like this?!"
And after the anger subsides, the bargaining comes: "If I can get better super quick…like in the next day…I promise I will do more meditation and yoga, improve my sleep and reduce my stress level so that I don't get sick again."
Then comes the depression when the symptoms quicken, as I mope in bed and think, "Life is terrible. I am unhappy. What am I doing with my life? How did I get here? I don't care about anything anymore. I am so unmotivated. Am I depressed? Have I been depressed for months and not realized it? Nothing brings me joy anymore." Walking my dog and smiling with my latte just a few days prior now feel like a distant memory. The depression phase tends to be the longest as I lay in bed, and it feels like I have been this down and having these low thoughts for years.
I must decide during the depression phase to move into acceptance. The decision is to recognize that this pain and discomfort are temporary and that suffering and the depressive state are optional. I start to recall monks who meditate with discomfort and pain in the heat on top of a mountain. The sun will move from the hill, the day will cool, and the sweat will subside. Everything is temporary.
As time passes, I start to move into greater acceptance.
Here are five tips that helped me move forward from depression to acceptance to coping with acute illness, and eventually renewed joy:
1) Visualize the Mountain: I start to tell myself a new story. I imagine myself like the monks meditating on top of a hill. I remember that this fever, scratchy throat, and cough are temporary. All of life is temporary. I accept that my body is uncomfortable, but that does not mean I am depressed. I can accept that I feel down in a moment without making it a global statement about my life, my overall disposition, or who I am. I am not a depressed person. Even if I was feeling depressed feelings beyond being acutely sick, I am still not a depressed person. I am simply experiencing down thoughts and feelings at this moment. In the next moment, that can change.
2) Body Scans: I start to do body scans and breathe into areas of pain as I accept my temporary discomfort. I observe the tight, scrunchy sensation on my forehead, the tightness around and between my brows. I can call it a headache and label it as 'bad,' or I can objectively observe the micro-sensations. It is simply a sensation!
3) Nostalgic Comforts: I started making the food I had when I was a child and felt sick. I instantly feel joy, comfort, and memories of having a loving caregiver bring me food when I stayed home from school.
4) Childhood Laughter: I put on slapstick silly shows and movies. Many are movies from childhood to once again elicit nostalgia and pure joyful child-like laughter. The more I laugh, the more I pull myself out of my depressive mood. Even if I end up coughing halfway through the laughter, it’s worth it.
5) Affirmation Blanket: I wrap myself in either a fuzzy or weighted blanket. Even if I do not have someone to take care of me for a time, I can now care for and love myself. As I wrap myself in this blanket, I tell myself the affirming messages that I heard as a child that I can give to myself now as an adult, "I love you. Feel better, sweetheart. I am here for you. Rest now, and you will be back at school (or work) soon. You will be ok."
It is normal to move through these brief stages of grief as I did when I got sick recently. You may be more prone to move into depression while sick if you have experienced depression in the past. You might begin associating some familiar down feelings and thoughts that creep up when you are acutely ill with the periods of depression or grief you felt in the past. Sometimes when we are acutely sick, it can be so easy to dig a metaphorical hole, sit in what can feel like permanent depression, and grab onto depressing thoughts. This can create a sense of permanence out of something quite temporary in the grand scheme of our lives. Perhaps with this resource, you can stop digging that hole and instead mindfully sit on the mountain and move into greater acceptance.
If you do find that you were already in a depressive state before or after you recover from getting acutely sick, please reach out to our Client Care Coordinator to book an appointment with one of our therapists at Root to Rise and get the support you need.
Warmly,
Root to Rise Therapy
*These brief stages of grief and the eventual acceptance in this blog may be a different process for someone with a terminal illness and should not be viewed similarly. If you are interested in learning more about the 5 stages of grieving, read Becky’s blog about the 5 Stages of Grieving.
