In couples therapy, blame is rarely the whole story. More often, blame is what we reach for when something deeper feels too vulnerable, too uncertain, or too scary to say directly.

You may have learned what to do or say to make things go smoother. You may have learned what behaviors or attitudes made people stay. You learned what made you easier to accept.

And slowly, those lessons became automatic.

People with high-functioning anxiety often look very successful in maintaining their jobs, academics, parenthood, and other roles, yet internally are struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and persistent feelings of stress and being "on edge." High-functioning anxiety can affect people from any background, socioeconomic status, racial and gender identity, etc., and thus can present in each individual differently.

The dependency on love to ultimately feel good about ourselves today is sometimes known as codependency or love addiction, and has become normalized in our society, especially in context to monogamous romantic relationships.

Attachment styles are not your identity, but rather patterns for how your nervous system learned to keep you safe.