Along with the obsessive mental replay comes a series of questions and confusion, with no satisfying answers. Questioning your own memory or perception: Was any of it real? Am I going crazy? Your own value: Was I not attractive enough? Desirable enough? Questioning the truth of who this person was the entire time, who now feels like a complete stranger. The compulsion to know everything: Who? What? Where? When? How? Is healing what I want?  Is it even possible? What happens if I leave? What happens if I stay?

We all come into new relationships with our own biases and blind spots. These can come from our childhoods, our past relationships, our internal worlds, and some many other areas. We usually have varying degrees of awareness about what these are and where they come from. The cruel irony is that we are often so fearful about recreating patterns and experiencing similar painful dynamics that we inadvertently become even more primed to notice and overinflate these characteristics. This psychological bias in relationships can skew our perceptions and lead us to misread signals.

When it comes to healing from trauma, discomfort can sometimes be part of the process. In EMDR, it often means something meaningful is starting to move.

Self-awareness in relationships allows us to take ownership of our experience - not just what happened, but how we’re interpreting it.

Most of us have heard of toxic positivity at some point; the pressure to stay upbeat and ignore difficult emotions, even if it's more honest to feel and express them. Of course, we would love to appear and feel positive all the time, but what really are the impacts of always putting on a smile?