In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.
Our senses play a pivotal role in how we form, store, and retrieve memories. This is because the brain areas responsible for processing sensory input are closely linked to the regions that store and retrieve memories. The hippocampus, which organizes and recalls memories, works together with the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. They ensure that emotionally charged events are more vividly stored in memory. This link exists for both extraordinarily painful and joyful memories alike.
When we talk about “trauma,” we’re talking about an emotional or psychological response to a distressing event or experience. It’s not necessarily the event itself that’s traumatic but rather the way it impacts a person’s sense of safety, stability, or identity. Trauma often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or disconnected from themselves or others.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
I hear clients talk about wanting to build a meaningful community and deeper connections within their relationships. However, this can be tough when dynamics already feel set in stone in long-term friendships, and you’re only starting to chip away at the relationship with yourself to get to your core. After all, the most important and long-lasting relationship we form is with ourselves!
One key to resolving relationship issues is accepting innate personality differences between partners. No two people are exactly alike, and differences in personality, interests, and goals are natural and normal. Instead of trying to change your partner, choose to appreciate and accept their unique qualities. You may find that there are strengths in what you each contribute to the relationship due to your differences.
