Holding Space for Both Grief & Joy During the Holiday Season
Is It Normal to Feel Both Grief and Joy During the Holidays?
The holiday season can be such an exciting time for so many people — and it can also hold a lot of emotion that isn’t all joy and merriness. I’m sure we’ve all acknowledged that there’s a societal pressure to be cheerful during this season, and sometimes just that thought can feel overwhelming.
The holiday season can louden loneliness, grief, financial stress, and/or family tension. If you feel sad during a “happy” time, that is so human — and not a flaw.
Why Do People Get Sad During the Holidays?
If you feel this sadness and you don’t exactly know what to do with it or why it’s showing up, consider if any of these reasons resonate with you:
How Does Expectation vs. Reality Affect the Holidays?
Expectation vs. reality
You might feel this pressure to have the “perfect” holiday season. Your friends and family might spend so much time preparing and looking forward to this season that the bar is set really high.
Common expectations and pressures can include preparing an elaborate holiday meal, getting the perfect family pictures, or simply having the whole family together and getting along. Regardless, these pressures can feel heavy and overwhelming to carry.
How Do Seasonal Changes Impact Our Mood?
Seasonal changes
Any sort of change or adjustment can be difficult for our nervous systems to tune into. Around the holiday season, the days get shorter and colder, and there’s a lot less sunlight.
All that time you may have spent outside is now harder to do. These environmental changes may impact your mood in ways such as lack of enjoyment or motivation, heightened anxiety, changes in sleep, or social withdrawal. These shifts are common and can happen when your circadian rhythm is thrown off due to less light throughout the day.
Why Do Memories Feel Stronger During the Holidays?
Missing memories
Holiday traditions might remind us of memories or people we miss. You might have built traditions with someone from a previous relationship, have a family member you’re deeply missing this season, or miss a place you once lived that holds meaningful holiday memories.
Even happy memories can be painful, and remembering those experiences can stir up a lot of emotion inside us.
Can Grief and Joy Exist at the Same Time?
The holidays can hold multiple truths: joy and sadness, gratitude and grief, connection and loneliness. Feeling contradicting emotions at once is part of being human and is not a sign of doing something “wrong.”
You can smile at the dinner table when someone cracks a joke and still feel pain inside when it reminds you of someone you miss. Just because joy may be paired with sadness, or gratitude momentarily overshadowed by grief, doesn’t mean those emotions are canceled out.
Grief can coexist with laughter, and connection can coexist with tears. You can miss someone deeply and still find meaning with those in front of you.
How Can You Practice Self-Care During the Holidays?
Self-care during the holidays
Prioritizing self-care during this season isn’t selfish — it’s essential. Doing so allows you to stay grounded and be present for the moments that matter most to you.
A few ways you can show up for yourself include:
Creating new traditions that honor the person or chapter you miss
Giving yourself permission to step away during gatherings
Treating yourself with kindness before difficult events by checking in with friends, practicing grounding exercises, or journaling
Understanding your limits and setting boundaries around upcoming gatherings
What Does It Mean to Hold Both Grief and Joy?
The beauty of holding both
While holding two emotions like grief and joy can feel overwhelming or confusing, it’s also a sign of emotional depth and resilience. You’ve encountered pain and sadness and are still able to show up and function.
By allowing yourself to feel your full range of emotions, you’re honoring your authenticity — with yourself and with others.
If you’re finding yourself struggling this holiday season and need extra support, one of our therapists at Root to Rise would love to be a safe space for you. Reach out to our Intake Coordinator to get matched with a therapist today.
