How to Manage Grief During the Most “Wonderful” Time of Year
The smell of warm, delicious baked goods. Twinkling lights lining the homes. Favorite dishes you’ve been waiting for all year. There is so much to be in awe of and delight in during the holidays—but what happens when grief and loss take a seat at the table, too?
Whether your loss is recent or something you’ve carried for years, this season can make it especially hard to feel the joy and rest everyone seems to talk about or expect (I know this from painful experience). It can also be hard to identify when grief emerges as it can take on many forms, often showing up quietly at first. Some signs may include a heaviness in your chest, a sudden wave of sadness in the middle of a crowded room, or loud mental noise that settles in when the house finally becomes still.
When grief rises like this, it can help to shift from resisting it to making space for it. Here are five ways to let go of the metaphorical tug-of-war rope and gently manage grief this holiday season:
How Can You Acknowledge Grief Without Pushing It Away?
Notice, Name and Nurture: Notice what feelings or emotions come up - is it sadness, anger, numbness? Whatever it is, allow it space and make a mental note of what is happening inside you. Instead of pushing it down, can you nurture it for simply a moment? For example, you may say something to yourself like “this is hard, but this is ok to be here.”
What Triggers Grief During the Holidays?
Identify grief triggers and cope with them, not against them: Before heading out to that dinner or party with family or friends, think about what might be hard and plan ahead. Maybe a question might strike a sensitive nerve, think about how you might take care of yourself in those moments (i.e. stepping away into the fresh evening air).
How Can Rituals Support Grief and Remembrance?
Build a ritual around remembering who you lost: Rituals are very much a personal endeavor, but I find experimenting with them can teach you what you might need in following years. For example, try taking a moment to write to someone you’ve lost and share some of your life moments with them.
Is It Okay to Say No During the Holidays?
Give yourself permission to step away or say no to that annual invite: Do you find yourself wanting to please everyone, say yes to every invite, and be a part of every gathering? If so, you are not alone (I struggle with this too). Remind yourself that you don’t have to attend everything or be the “best” version of yourself, especially when you are needing extra support at this time. It’s ok to say no and instead make time for what might comfort you.
What Helps When Grief Overwhelms the Body?
Practice somatic grounding exercises when grief hijacks the party: When emotions overwhelm us, they hijack our autonomic nervous system and flood us into a state of fight or flight. If you notice your body begin to tense or move into a state of high arousal, try using a breathing exercise to slow things down and move back into a state of calm. For example, you may want to try Box Breathing: inhale for 5, hold for 5, exhale for 5, hold for 5. Try doing this five or more times, and pay close attention to what happens to your body when you bring breath and attention into focus.
If you find yourself wrestling with grief this season, therapy can be a great way to process, feel, and release. Reach out to our client care coordinator today to get set up with a Root to Rise therapist.
Warmly,
Megan Smith, AMFT
