How Are You, Really?
When I was younger, I always understood that I had an innate depth (Is it any wonder I found myself in a profession that is the embodiment of deep connections?); however, it took time to recognize that I wanted this quality of “depth” in the majority of connections with others, and just how important quality over quantity has become for me. The journey of becoming confident in my depth and identifying my unique standards for personal connections has evolved over time.
I hear clients talk about wanting to build a meaningful community and deeper connections within their relationships. However, this can be tough when dynamics already feel set in stone in long-term friendships, and you’re only starting to chip away at the relationship with yourself to get to your core. After all, the most important and long-lasting relationship we form is with ourselves!
Here are some tools that help move you away from the small talk and closer to the real talk:
Ask yourself, “How are you, really?”. In order to feel comfortable becoming emotionally intimate and vulnerable with others, we have to start with ourselves! As the answers to this question arise, start to practice showing up the way you want others to show up.
Practice breaking down your walls with people you feel emotionally safe with. If this feels like you may be burdening them, you can always ask them if they have the space to hold for you. (More often than not, when I ask, I’m met with openness!).
Get clear on values that are important to you in your relationships. When we have older dynamics in place, it can be harder to shift these- but it doesn’t mean it’s not possible! Do you value open communication and vulnerability in relationships? Do you value shared interests or senses of humor? Getting clear on what’s important to you helps solidify your standards.
It may feel uncomfortable to switch from small talk and have confidence in yourself for wanting more meaningful connections. Trust yourself & the types of connections you want to have—they can and do exist!
As always, working with a therapist through these discussions of how to build community, deepen emotional connections, and build self-esteem can help you raise awareness and take action much more efficiently. Contact our Client Care Coordinator today to find out which one of the Root to Rise therapists would be the best fit for you.
With Gratitude,
Atalie Abramovici, AMFT
RECENT POSTS
