What are Typical Relationship Issues & How do you Know if you Need Couples Therapy?
As an associate marriage and family therapist, I often hear from clients about the common issues they face in their relationships. These issues can range from minor irritations to significant problems threatening the relationship's survival. Read on to learn about the ten most common relationship problems and the 10 most common causes of relationship issues based on my observations and research.
What are common relationship problems?
In a previous blog, I described the basics of couples therapy. Here, I go into further detail as to the 10 most common relationship issues that bring couples to therapy:
Communication: Many couples struggle with communication issues, conflicts, and disagreements that may arise in a relationship with their partner. The problem is often rooted in underlying trust, respect, and compatibility issues. More on that later!
Lack of intimacy: Lack of emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical intimacy can be a significant problem for many couples, leading to loneliness and disconnection.
Financial disagreement: Financial issues, such as disagreements over how to spend or save joint money, can be a common source of conflict in a relationship.
Jealousy: Jealousy can also be a source of tension in a relationship, particularly if one partner feels threatened by the other's relationships or past experiences.
Long distance: Long-distance relationships can present unique challenges, such as difficulty with communication and maintaining a connection.
Age gap: Contrasts in life values, norms, and lifestyles can arise with couples with generational differences.
Household Roles: Unbalanced division of household roles can be a source of tension in a relationship, particularly if both partners have different expectations about the division of household management. One of the most common sources of role conflict in a relationship is cleaning. Many couples struggle with finding a balance between household chores and other responsibilities such as financial management and childrearing, which can lead to feelings of frustration.
Libido: Differences in libido can also be a source of tension in a relationship, particularly if one partner has a higher sex drive than the other.
Infertility: Dealing with fertility concerns can create a heightened time of stress for couples who want to have children. It can be disheartening to accept a different future without children. It can be discouraging and financially straining for couples. For women, infertility treatments can be painful, alter their hormones, reduce their sex drive, and change their relationship with their bodies.
Pregnancy: Pregnancy can be a time of immense change in a relationship. Women struggle with physical and emotional fluctuations during pregnancy. Men may experience couvade syndrome, known more commonly as sympathetic pregnancy, where they sympathetically experience weight gain, nausea, sleep issues, and emotional imbalance. In contrast, other couples may work with the added responsibilities and financial pressures of preparing for a new addition to the family.
What causes relationship issues?
Frequently clients come in for one of the above relationship problems and then find that there are other corresponding psychological relationship issues. Here are 10 of the most common psychological relationship issues:
Differences between partners: Some couples may struggle with issues related to differences in opinions, conflicting expectations, and communication styles. Couples may need help reconciling their differences, particularly if they have conflicting personalities, interests, or goals. Some couples may initially be attracted to each other and be highly compatible due to shared activities and enjoyment at the beginning of a relationship. They then may find that they diverge on deeper topics around values systems and how to raise a family.
Lack of trust: Some members of a couple lack confidence in their partner due to actual or perceived breaches in the relationship.
Lack of respect: As trust breaks down from dishonesty or not keeping one’s word, communication issues multiply. Signs of disrespect between partners may increase through non-verbal and verbal communication, including passive-aggressiveness.
Conflicting expectations: Couples may have unsaid or differing expectations about what they want from each other or what it means to be in a relationship. Expectations that are unsaid or differ can lead to a build-up of resentment.
Insecurity: Feelings of insecurity can be an issue in a relationship related to past experiences or current feelings of inadequacy. This can cause tension and conflict as partners seem to compete and bring each other down.
Emotional sensitivities or vulnerabilities from each partner from past relationships or childhood: Past experiences can also shape how individuals view and approach relationships, leading to emotional sensitivities or vulnerabilities that can cause conflict.
Issues stemming from childhood: Childhood experiences, both joyous and traumatic, can shape how individuals approach relationships, leading to patterns of behavior or communication that may cause conflict.
Differing family makeup: Growing up in different family cultures, traditions, household styles, and family size can also cause tension in a relationship, particularly if one partner has different expectations or beliefs about how a relationship should function.
External stressful circumstances: Stressful circumstances, such as job loss or illness, may exacerbate the problem created by differences and emotional sensitivities.
Patterns of interaction: Couples may also fall into patterns of interaction that can escalate the problem, such as the "pursue-pursue," "pursue-withdraw," or "withdraw-withdraw" dynamics. Pursue-pursue, withdraw-withdraw, and pursue-withdraw are three common interaction patterns that can create relationship problems. In pursue-pursue, both partners aggressively pursue the other, which can create tension and conflict. In withdraw-withdraw, both partners withdraw from each other, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection. In a pursue-withdraw, one partner pursues while the other withdraws, creating imbalance and resentment.
Our therapists have seen many couple clients who feel stuck in their relationship. Couples come to Root to Rise with an array of relationship challenges and deeper-rooted causes of these challenges who are unsure how to move forward. Therapists at Root to Rise have the knowledge, skills, and training to support you in getting unstuck, unpacking your relationship issues, understanding the root causes, and helping you create new healthier patterns for your relationship moving forward. Contact our Client Care Coordinator today to get started with couple therapy!
In next month’s blog, we will delve into some practical ways to solve relationship problems and develop healthier communication patterns!
Warmly,
Root to Rise Therapy
