Acknowledging our Limitations
In my recent sessions, clients have been telling me that they are constantly playing catch-up, falling behind, or feeling like they are failing. When I ask them to explore what makes them feel this way, I’m usually met with statements such as, “Well, my coworker Sasha can complete five tasks in the time it takes me to complete one. I feel like I should be doing more.” Ah ha! There it is–we live in a society where we are constantly being compared to others, so it’s no wonder we find ourselves doing the same thing internally.
When I hear statements like these from my clients, it indicates to me that it’s time to take a step back and reconnect with ourselves. Consider the hypothetical coworker “Sasha” for a second. Sasha completes five work tasks a day. Maybe Sasha knows that is her limit, maybe she starts these tasks earlier than her peers, or maybe she has more energy at that specific time of day that allows her to get these tasks done. I do not know how she gets these things done, but it works for Sasha. And that is just it- it works for SASHA. So if I’m working to meet the expectations that Sasha has set for herself, aren’t I automatically setting myself up for failure?
Nobody knows our capabilities and limitations better than we do, so why do we look externally for those answers? I have been inviting my clients to check in with themselves after completing a task. Ask your body, “How am I feeling? Can I do something else, or do I need a break? What kind of break do I need? What am I capable of doing next? Do I stop here for today?” Acknowledging what our bodies need and what we are capable of allows us to set our own expectations rather than relying on those imposed on us by others. It allows us to understand ourselves a little more and reconnect with our sense of self that we can lose when we are caught in the cycle of comparison.
If you’re wondering, “Well, how do I know what to do next? How do I prioritize my tasks?” you’re not alone. After we complete tasks with time-sensitive deadlines, we often feel lost on what to do next. I’ve been working with my clients on value exploration to help with prioritization. This is a great way to learn more about yourself and your own values and how they are separate from societal values. If we learn how to rank and prioritize our values, we can start to ask ourselves, “If I complete this task, what value is it fulfilling for me?” We can then start to classify our tasks based on their value ranking. This allows you to take a step back and check if you are doing things that are fulfilling to you and meeting your own needs.
An unpopular exercise that I ask my clients to try to incorporate into their daily routine is to STOP MAKING A TO-DO LIST! I acknowledge this can be a widely controversial opinion. Making to-do lists can be a great tool to help with organization, and I will admit it can be so satisfying to cross something off a list. However, if we are starting off our day by writing down ten items on our to-do list, we are assuming that our body is capable of doing all these things without checking in with ourselves first. What happens if we only get to three of those items? How is that going to make us feel? We’ll probably start to feel unsettled, or that we failed, or that we are going to have to spend tomorrow playing catch-up. Then we will have 13 items on our list tomorrow, and the cycle repeats. Always thinking about tasks farther down on our lists or things that we feel we could have gotten done the day before can prevent us from truly feeling grounded in the present. If we’re constantly looking into the past or future, it is hard to pay attention to what is happening right in front of us. For these reasons, it’s important that we acknowledge and respect our own limitations, as well as our values and priorities.
I want to take a pause and reflect on what it means to you to have limitations. In this post, we have been reflecting a lot on societal views and standards, and I know that “limitations” does not initially elicit a positive connotation. While writing this, I started to think about a young client I worked with last year. She told me that “emotions aren’t pizza toppings,” that is, we cannot label our emotions as simply good or bad, liked or disliked. This made me chuckle because it is such a great way to think about that! There’s a reason we experience certain emotions. Emotions are a way of telling our bodies what they need in the moment. If we have this idea that a certain emotion that we’re feeling is “bad” because society said so, we might push it down and not allow ourselves to understand what our bodies might be asking for. We can think the same way about a lot of things society labels as bad, such as having limitations. Instead of viewing ourselves as weak for our limitations, we can embrace the idea that we are listening to our needs in the moment and strengthening the relationship we have with ourselves. We are understanding what we are capable of in that current moment, which we know can change day to day. Our bodies do so many great things for us; the least we could do is listen to what it is telling us!
Taking time to rebuild the relationship with yourself can be such a powerful journey. If you’re thinking about starting this path of self-discovery, the therapists at Root to Rise Therapy can help. Contact our Client Care Coordinator to find out which therapist would be best suited for your needs!
Warmly,
Marissa, APCC
