As we take on this new year filled with uncertainty on so many levels, the advice I continue to receive is to “focus on what’s in your control.” I am someone who wishes everything was in my control, so this advice is particularly needed and particularly frustrating. In an earnest attempt to better understand what is within my control, I shifted to how I want to feel, and how I will know when I feel better. I was reminded of the miracle question, a prompt I frequently use with clients to help them imagine a different future. 

The miracle question is a fundamental technique used in Solution-Focused Therapy that allows clients to envision the life they want to live and consider alternate possibilities. In therapy, the metric of feeling better and making progress can be one that is challenging to assess. The miracle question helps us get a clearer vision of what this actually looks like, making it more manageable to work toward it. It allows us to better understand what we are working for. 

In its classic application, the exercise was traditionally used in couples’ therapy at the onset of treatment. However, it has been adapted to work with many populations and I use it with couples, individuals, children, and families throughout the course of treatment. The wording might look a bit different, but the framework goes something like this: 

Imagine going about your life as normal and heading off to sleep at the usual time.

Unknown to you, during the night, something happens – a miracle. When you wake up the following day, something exciting has happened.

The very problem that brought you to see me today is no longer there.

What would be the very first difference you would notice in your life?

• How will you know the miracle has happened?

• What will others (parents, friends, work colleagues, etc.) notice about you that makes them aware things are different or better?

• What would their reaction be? What would they do?

• What would you do next?

• What would we see (feelings, thoughts, and behavior) if we compared a before and after picture?

• Have you ever seen elements of this happen before?

Working with couples:

In couples therapy, the miracle question can be a tool that realigns the couple, helps them feel more hopeful about the future, and makes the possibility of change feel palpable. Below is an example similar to the answers I received with a couples therapy client, with details and names altered to protect confidentiality. 

What would be the very first difference you would notice in your life?

The first thing I’d notice is that I’d wake up and roll over with the genuine desire to hug Kevin good morning. He’d be in bed, because he didn’t sleep in the guest room, and we’d start our day together. 

How will you know the miracle has happened?

I will know that the miracle happened because we’d start the day having coffee and breakfast and actually slowing down to have a moment of connection before the rush of daily life takes over. We’d check back in at the end of the day with intention and interest about how each other’s day was. We’d eat dinner together, not in front of the TV. We’d laugh again. 

What will others (parents, friends, work colleagues, etc.) notice about you that makes them aware things are different or better?

My friends would notice that when we’re spending time together, we’re enjoying each other’s company. We’re not tearing each other down or ignoring each other. My colleagues would notice me being sad to leave home for work trips rather than secretly looking forward to it.

What would their reaction be? What would they do?

First of all, my friends would want to spend time with us more when it seems like we’re having fun together again. They’d be so happy for me, for us. I hope they’d notice how much more relaxed I seem. 

What would you do next?

Next, I’d probably start planning more activities together knowing that our time together will be less filled with heaviness and tension. We’d start thinking about the future again with excitement rather than fear. I’d probably feel more comfortable sharing more with him and allowing myself to be vulnerable again. 

What would we see (feelings, thoughts, and behavior) if we compared a before and after picture?

In the before picture, I’m picturing us silently scrolling on our phones before bed. We barely say goodnight to each other and turn away from each other. We are coexisting without much connection.

In the after picture, I see two people who feel calm and safe lying in bed together. We’d have more intimacy, and we’d kiss and feel aligned again before we fell asleep. I’d be able to fall asleep without anxiety and dread.

Have you ever seen elements of this happen before?

We’d definitely had elements of this, but life has gotten so stressful that we project so much stress onto each other. I know we have the potential to feel this way, and I see glimpses whenever we travel and are removed from day-to-day stress. We laugh more, we’re more intimate, we enjoy each other. 

Working with individuals:

In individual therapy, the miracle question can be used to imagine life without the specific presenting problem most impacting a client’s life. For example, a client struggling with depression might reflect on the prompt that starts like this: “If you went to sleep tonight and while you were sleeping, your depression lifted, what would be the first tiny sign you'd notice when you wake up? Would the morning light feel different? Would your muscles feel different as you stretch?" For many clients, even beginning to imagine a world without depression can feel inconceivable. By framing the question through the tiny noticeable signs, clients can begin to let themselves integrate an alternative possibility where things look a tiny bit different with a big impact. 

Working with children: 

With younger clients, I tap into the imaginative and creative aspect of the question. It can be helpful to make the question even more playful: "If a friendly wizard came while you were sleeping and used their magic to make things better, what would you notice first when you wake up? What would Mom or Dad notice?” It can be fun to have children create a visual representation of this change through art or play. 

Working with families: 

The miracle question can be helpful in working with families as a reminder of how each family member plays a role and impacts the system. This helps the family feel more like a team with a shared goal rather than individuals operating independently. The question might look like this: "If your family woke up tomorrow and found that something had shifted overnight, making things work better for everyone, what would each person notice first?" This often reveals surprising alignments in their hopes and goals.

Though the miracle question can be an incredibly powerful tool, it's also important to note here that the miracle question isn't avoiding the hard work of change or invalidating the intensity of the pain. Instead, it's about creating a clear vision of what change could look like, which opens the door to making that change more real. By verbalizing a desired and attainable future in concrete, sensory terms, we can begin co-creating this future together. 

If you’re interested in exploring the miracle question and working toward your new future, the therapists at Root to Rise are here to support you on this journey. Reach out to our client care coordinator to find out which therapist might be a good fit for you!

 

Best,

Jessica Leader LMFT