Uncovering Relationship OCD
What Is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is something I encounter often in my office, and the more I work with clients navigating OCD, the more I see how deeply misunderstood the diagnosis still is. It's often depicted in the media as obsessive hand washing or re-counting steps (which, yes, can be part of one's experience), however, the full and complex nature of OCD is often missed by those struggling with it, and even by clinicians themselves.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) states that "OCD is characterized by the presence of obsessions and/or compulsions":
Obsessions = recurrent, intrusive, and unwanted thoughts/images often spiking fear or anxiety
Compulsions = behaviors performed to reduce or neutralize the fear or anxiety
While this may sound like a lot of clinical jargon, the essence of OCD is about experiencing and getting rid of discomfort while attempting to resolve the doubt and uncertainty of it all. And while people often think of OCD as an outward event, it can often be experienced as internal only (as with PureOCD), making it difficult for folks to notice when others are really struggling.
What Are the Different Subtypes of OCD?
OCD can present itself in many shapes and sizes, and there's a range of different subtypes, all behaving the same but around different content. A couple examples of subtypes, including possible obsessions (thoughts) and compulsions (behaviors), may manifest as:
Contamination OCD
Thought: "What if I get sick from touching this dirty surface?"
Behavior: Excessive sanitizing / repeatedly cleaning/avoiding "dirty" surfaces
Somatic OCD
Thought: "My swallowing feels off. What if I choke?"
Behavior: Constantly monitoring throat sensations/avoiding certain foods
Checking OCD
Thought: "What if something bad happens when I leave the house?"
Behavior: Repeatedly checking locks, appliances, windows, etc.
While we all experience distressing and uncomfortable thoughts, an OCD wired brain can experience them as more intrusive, repetitive, and upsetting, feeling the need to "get rid of" or avoid them.
What Is Relationship OCD?
Another subtype, which I find to be a bit less mainstream, is called Relationship OCD (ROCD). Relationship OCD is not limited to romantic relationships, but it can get tricky when someone you love is at the center of your worry. I mean, who doesn't have doubts when it comes to big life decisions like choosing THE ONE? Doubts are a natural part of the decision-making process. However, thoughts such as "Do I love him enough?", "Am I always happy around her?" or the act of simply comparing one's partner, can become so distressing and time-consuming to the OCD brain, it can get in the way of normal, everyday activities. For the OCD partner, overt and covert behaviors may look like:
Reassurance seeking from your partner: Repeatedly asking or wanting to ask them, "Do you think we're compatible or right for each other?"
Emotional monitoring: Constantly asking yourself, "Do I feel the type of love I should for her right now?"
Mental reviewing: Analyzing the relationship over and over, looking for pros and cons
Rumination: Constant and repetitive thinking loops that lead to increased anxiety
Checking attraction: Repeatedly looking at your partner, asking, "Am I attracted enough to him?"
A part of you may be reading this thinking "wait, I do that!", which, again, to some extent is normal. Relationships themselves can cause a lot of fear, doubt, and uncertainty. However, what differs in ROCD is the severity, persistence, never-ending doubt, and the ultimate need to engage in behaviors that help reduce those uncomfortable feelings.
What If I Think I Have OCD or ROCD?
I have good news for you, OCD is treatable! Just because you meet criteria for the diagnosis now, does not mean you will always meet it and struggle with it. Therapy for ROCD can teach you the tools to manage difficult thoughts and feelings and can lead to more grounded, every day living.
Can Therapy Help With Relationship OCD and Relationship Anxiety?
If you or your partner thinks OCD or ROCD may be getting in the way of your relationship, or you alone feel it interferes with the satisfaction of your relationships, schedule a call with our Client Care Coordinator today, and begin working with a therapist who can help you through your relational doubts and anxiety.
