The Surprising Power of These Three Words
Words are powerful. Often, their connotation outweighs their denotation. Throughout my learning as a human and as a therapist, I have found three words that stand out for their interpretation in an uncompromisingly negative light. These three words, “Control,” “Anxiety,” and “Ego” certainly do have negative attributes to them, however, they simultaneously have immensely important protective functions.
#1 Control
When we think of the word “control,” we often associate it with someone who is “controlling” or a “control freak.” While clenching onto control as a source of power over others and situations does grant this word its deserved connotation, it’s not unhealthy to seek control. It’s important to remember that everything in life lies on a spectrum. When we feel anxious, uncertain, or helpless, we may experience a need to hang onto things that help us feel in control. This is deeply part of the human condition. That’s why religion was created, why science grounds us… to make sense of what we need to understand, rely on, and feel predictable in order to feel a sense of centeredness as we navigate our existential anxieties. One of the most fundamental tools I teach clients dealing with anxiety is to focus on what they can control. In this sense, paying attention to what is within our control has a powerful effect on our wellbeing.
#2 Anxiety
If you experience anxiety—welcome to being a creature with a nervous system! Anxiety is a highly adaptive mechanism that signals to our body when we’re in danger and need to fight or flee! Now, if we’re talking in terms of levels of anxiety and its disruption to our well-being and day-to-day life… that is a different conversation. Chronic anxiety, which is common in our modern world, leads to burnout, depression, and autoimmune illnesses. This is because the “lion” chasing us, never stops. In earlier times, when the “lion” was not a metaphorical concept, but rather a very real threat, we would either be eaten or escape… and so the anxiety would dissipate one way or another. Nowadays, endless tasks, responsibilities, and deadlines never seem to wither away, leaving us in perpetual sympathetic nervous system arousal (fight-or-flight). This is why it is extremely useful to learn tools to activate the parasympathetic nervous system response (rest-and-digest) so that we can signal to our bodies that, at this moment, we are safe. Some of my favorite tools to teach clients to alleviate their anxiety response are through the use of their senses—one of the most effective being through our sense of smell. Check out my blog on 5 Quick Tips to Help Regulate Your Nervous System to learn more!
#3 Ego
I’m sure you’ve heard someone say “Wow, they have a huge ego” or “they need to put their ego aside” to describe someone who is prideful and self-centered. While allowing our ego to jump into the driver’s seat may inhibit us and others from connecting in an empathetic and vulnerable way, the ego has an important function. Within Psychodynamic Theory (where the term “ego” was first coined), the “Ego” is there to balance our “Id” (our instinctual desires) and our “Superego” (our critical and moralistic sense). So, in actuality, the ego is there to balance how you connect to reality in relation to social norms and behaviors. In the more colloquial sense of the word, having an ego is seen as a self-centered attribute. I’d like to invite you to explore that if you feel this “ego,” becoming activated, it may be there to protect your sense of identity upon feeling that your identity or sense-of-self is threatened. Thus, through self-study and self-exploration, we can begin to view our ego’s response as a platform to understand our fears and doubts, and how to come back into balance.
If you’re interested in learning more about any of these three concepts, please get in touch with our Client Care Coordinator at Root to Rise to book an appointment with me or one of our therapists today!
With gratitude,
Atalie Abramovici, LMFT
