Opposite Action
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the very thing you want to do the least is what would help you the most? When all you want to do is isolate, but the most beneficial step would be to pick up the phone and call a friend? When all you want to do is close the blinds and lay in bed, but you’d really feel better by getting outside? The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill of opposite action can be helpful when we notice this behavior coming up!
Opposite Action involves choosing to act in a way that is seemingly in opposition to the initial emotional urge. Let’s look at an example where this might be useful:
You are having a tough day and feel alone. You come home and your roommate asks you how you are and if you want to cook dinner together. Your first thought is to say no, go to your room, and get into bed to be alone. If this initial emotional response was acted on, you would likely end up feeling more alone and more disconnected, even if it feels enticing in the moment. You’d wake up the next day feeling lonelier and sadder. Instead, try taking the opposite approach! When everything in you is telling you to be alone, accept the love and support from your friend. Share with them how you’re feeling and spend time opening up, laughing, and cooking a nourishing meal. You’ll soon feel more connected to others, more hopeful, and more positive.
So when do we use opposite action? When the feelings don’t fit the facts.
Often our initial emotional response is not rooted in fact and comes from a wounded, irrational place. In the above example, the initial experience of feeling alone does not fit the legitimate factual experience of someone asking to spend time with you that is happening in front of you. If we can fact-check our emotional response, we can better understand where our feelings are coming from and feel more in control of our behaviors. Opposite action is NOT about ignoring our feelings, and we need awareness around our feelings to figure out how and when to act opposite. We need to acknowledge our feelings in the first place in order to figure out where they are coming from, if the feelings fit the facts, and then determine if we want our emotions to be in the driver’s seat of our decision-making.
Some examples of opposite action:
When you’ve been on the couch all day and feel like binge-watching a show, go for a walk.
When you feel like lashing out, take a breath and practice “stop action.”
When you’re hurt by your friend and feel like ignoring them, practice sharing your feelings.
When you don’t want to go to therapy today, don’t cancel.
When you feel like shutting down, try to communicate your experience.
When you want to numb your feelings with a substance, try feeling the feeling and journaling.
When you want to scroll Tiktok for hours, put your phone away and go outside.
When you are scared to speak in public, take a public speaking class.
Of course, listening to the initial emotional experience and indulging in acting on the feeling isn’t always a negative choice. Every so often, it’s okay to spend an extra few hours on the couch instead of going for a walk. We want to notice when it feels like a pattern and work toward sacrificing instant gratification for delayed gratification. If you need some help fact-checking your feelings and practicing opposite action, the therapists at Root to Rise are here to help! Even if talking to someone about this feels vulnerable or sounds unappealing, the feeling might not be rooted in fact and going to therapy might be the most beneficial step. Practice acting opposite and contact our client care coordinator today to get connected to a therapist at Root to Rise!
Best,
Jessica Leader LMFT
