Have you ever noticed that sometimes the very thing you want to do the least is what would help you the most? When all you want to do is isolate, but the most beneficial step would be to pick up the phone and call a friend? When all you want to do is close the blinds and lay in bed, but you’d really feel better by getting outside? The Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skill of opposite action can be helpful when we notice this behavior coming up!
Metaphors have a powerful ability to illustrate abstract ideas. I absolutely love using metaphors with clients to discuss more complex human experiences in order to add a visual and contextual layer from which to understand these experiences, most often being our relationship to our thoughts and emotions. Unsurprisingly, many of the metaphors I use relate to nature, which I view as the ultimate teacher.
Instead of solely focusing on initiating sex, prioritize building emotional intimacy through positive interactions, including non-sexual affection. By allowing sexual arousal to naturally emerge from the playful, fun experiences that you’re both enjoying - laughing, talking, hugging, kissing, flirting - you can build a more satisfying bond without the agenda of having sex. In the midst of hanging out and having fun, your responsive desire partner may start to get aroused.
Dopamine, often referred to as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, plays a pivotal role in our brain's reward system. It's the chemical messenger responsible for feelings of pleasure, motivation, and reinforcement. And in today's fast-paced world, where stress seems to lurk around every corner, it's no wonder we often find ourselves seeking out dopamine in various forms.
The “rupture-repair cycle” is a crucial part of any relationship. As much as we don’t mean to, we sometimes hurt and let down the people we care about. There is some inevitability to this (though we should try to minimize it as much as possible!) but the repair after a rupture creates an opportunity for growth and reconnection.
*Sigh* “It is what it is.” Depending on who you ask, this can be such a polarizing statement. For some, that statement signals giving up. It feels as if you’re agreeing with the awful thing that happened and not putting up a fight to change it. For others, it might also be an expression of frustration, as well as a judgment-free acknowledgment of their inability to change the current reality. If you’ve ever used this statement, ask yourself, what allowed you to get there?
As an associate marriage and family therapist, I often hear from clients about the common issues they face in their relationships. These issues can range from minor irritations to significant problems threatening the relationship's survival. Read on to learn about the ten most common relationship problems and the 10 most common causes of relationship issues based on my observations and research.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were struggling to “trust your gut”? Maybe your emotions were too powerful in that moment, and you had trouble listening to reason, or you tried to make a decision without the influence of emotion and, as a result, felt detached from your intuition. You can find yourself in these patterns when you’re struggling to balance your Emotional and Rational Minds.
Your mind views the world and operates from three states: the Rational Mind, the Emotional Mind, and the Wise Mind.
Have you ever been so overcome by emotion that you cannot think straight? Maybe you get a distressing text from a friend or family member or see something upsetting on the news. You might start to panic and pace and feel that all you can focus on are these disturbing thoughts and overwhelming emotions. It is almost impossible to come to a productive resolution when we are in this state. The emotional part of your mind is so powerful that it is not making room for the rational part of your brain to provide any input. It might be helpful to distract yourself in these moments, and no, this doesn’t mean pushing your problems under the rug and avoiding these emotions forever.
What is Mindfulness?
Feel the ground underneath your feet and the seat beneath you. Notice the placement of your hands, lengthen your spine, tuck your chin slightly, soften your jaw and lips, and relax the space between your brows. Now start to focus on the rising and falling of your chest.
These are all cues I utilize when guiding a client through the beginning of a mindfulness practice in session.
Well, close your browsers on travel and jewelry, and put away your credit cards for now. I have a counterintuitive recommendation on how to save money and improve your relationship for Valentine's Day! This recommendation is based on research from The Gottman Method, developed from 40 years of observing couples.
Have you ever made lofty goals for the new year and then been disappointed when you stopped pursuing these goals after just a few weeks? Or have you fallen short of what you imagined you would do?
I used to make goals for the new year to symbolize the new me. I would then lose steam, take a break from the plan, and not return for weeks, months, or sometimes until the following year. If I did achieve the goal, the outcome would not match the fantasy in my mind.
My professor made a poignant remark during the days leading up to the fall and winter holidays that had the entire class laughing at the accuracy and relatability of the observation. He shared that the holidays are a humbling time for personal growth because you can think you have worked through and resolved most of your triggers in therapy until that first fall holiday family get-together.
When it comes to taking steps on your life path, you often hear people urging you to “follow your gut.” But what exactly does that mean? And if you aren’t following our gut, what are you following?
You have two choices: to primarily listen to either your ego or your intuitive inner voice. So how do you differentiate between the two? How do you know if you are “trusting your gut” or following an ego-driven desire?
