The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.
I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.
*Sigh* “It is what it is.” Depending on who you ask, this can be such a polarizing statement. For some, that statement signals giving up. It feels as if you’re agreeing with the awful thing that happened and not putting up a fight to change it. For others, it might also be an expression of frustration, as well as a judgment-free acknowledgment of their inability to change the current reality. If you’ve ever used this statement, ask yourself, what allowed you to get there?
As an associate marriage and family therapist, I often hear from clients about the common issues they face in their relationships. These issues can range from minor irritations to significant problems threatening the relationship's survival. Read on to learn about the ten most common relationship problems and the 10 most common causes of relationship issues based on my observations and research.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were struggling to “trust your gut”? Maybe your emotions were too powerful in that moment, and you had trouble listening to reason, or you tried to make a decision without the influence of emotion and, as a result, felt detached from your intuition. You can find yourself in these patterns when you’re struggling to balance your Emotional and Rational Minds.
Your mind views the world and operates from three states: the Rational Mind, the Emotional Mind, and the Wise Mind.
Have you ever been so overcome by emotion that you cannot think straight? Maybe you get a distressing text from a friend or family member or see something upsetting on the news. You might start to panic and pace and feel that all you can focus on are these disturbing thoughts and overwhelming emotions. It is almost impossible to come to a productive resolution when we are in this state. The emotional part of your mind is so powerful that it is not making room for the rational part of your brain to provide any input. It might be helpful to distract yourself in these moments, and no, this doesn’t mean pushing your problems under the rug and avoiding these emotions forever.
What is Mindfulness?
Feel the ground underneath your feet and the seat beneath you. Notice the placement of your hands, lengthen your spine, tuck your chin slightly, soften your jaw and lips, and relax the space between your brows. Now start to focus on the rising and falling of your chest.
These are all cues I utilize when guiding a client through the beginning of a mindfulness practice in session.
Well, close your browsers on travel and jewelry, and put away your credit cards for now. I have a counterintuitive recommendation on how to save money and improve your relationship for Valentine's Day! This recommendation is based on research from The Gottman Method, developed from 40 years of observing couples.
Have you ever made lofty goals for the new year and then been disappointed when you stopped pursuing these goals after just a few weeks? Or have you fallen short of what you imagined you would do?
I used to make goals for the new year to symbolize the new me. I would then lose steam, take a break from the plan, and not return for weeks, months, or sometimes until the following year. If I did achieve the goal, the outcome would not match the fantasy in my mind.
My professor made a poignant remark during the days leading up to the fall and winter holidays that had the entire class laughing at the accuracy and relatability of the observation. He shared that the holidays are a humbling time for personal growth because you can think you have worked through and resolved most of your triggers in therapy until that first fall holiday family get-together.
When it comes to taking steps on your life path, you often hear people urging you to “follow your gut.” But what exactly does that mean? And if you aren’t following our gut, what are you following?
You have two choices: to primarily listen to either your ego or your intuitive inner voice. So how do you differentiate between the two? How do you know if you are “trusting your gut” or following an ego-driven desire?
