Building a Life Around Values
Have you ever been asked the question - “What matters to you?” - and your mind goes blank?
It’s a simple question, but when anxiety, depression, or some other difficult emotion takes the driver's seat in your life, it can be a hard one to answer, or heck, even remember.
One of the ways I help reorient clients to this question, especially when they’re feeling out of alignment with meaning and purpose, is by focusing on values.
What Are Values and Why Are They Important?
Values are principles that motivate and inspire you. They often reflect your passions or what you care about, and can be a driving force in shifting behavior toward more purposeful living.
Aligning with our values can be especially important when we're faced with situations that surface strong, recurrent, and distressing emotions. For example, let’s say you’re someone who struggles with social anxiety and you want to attend that weekly Paint N Sip social gathering down the street from your house on a Friday night. But every time you build up the confidence to go, that familiar, creeping fear that vibrates through your body grows too strong, so instead you stay home and watch The Office for the umpteenth time. Yet again, telling yourself, “next Friday.. next Friday I'll go.”
I hate to break it to you, but the convincing fear part of your brain is always going to say “Stay home, it's more comfortable,” while the values part is going to chant “Hey! This matters, you’ve wanted to try this out for months, let's face our fears rather than avoid them”.
These two parts are often in conflict with each other, and I know through my own life experience that fear usually has a pretty convincing argument. However, when we make a conscious effort to identify and shift towards our values, we are also more likely to move toward the life we're desiring to live.
What Are Common Misconceptions About Values?
A values roadmap can be a great guide, but here are a few things values are not:
They are not endpoints. Values are not something you finish.
They are not intended to be rigid. You can allow flexibility through life’s twists and turns.
They are not meant to be ‘perfect’ (looking at you perfectionists!). It's not about doing it ‘right’, it's about intention and meaningful direction.
They are not meant to be achieved. Different values take priority through different phases of life.
What Is the Initial Step Toward Identifying My Values?
To begin this kind of work, we first have to explore what your values are. One way to do this is by looking at a values list to get the mental juices flowing. Take a look at the list below and see what stands out to you!
If you are looking to do a mini values exercise, check out my blog post about attention and values here.
How Can I Begin My Own Journey Toward Values Alignment?
When we feel out of touch with who we are and how we want to show up in the world, it can feel disorienting, defeating and demotivating. Working with a therapist can be a helpful step in anchoring back to the parts of life that feel good to YOU. If you’re interested in taking that courageous step towards identifying and aligning with your values, schedule a consultation call with our Client Care Coordinator to begin working with a therapist who can help anchor you to your values.
