In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.
Our senses play a pivotal role in how we form, store, and retrieve memories. This is because the brain areas responsible for processing sensory input are closely linked to the regions that store and retrieve memories. The hippocampus, which organizes and recalls memories, works together with the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. They ensure that emotionally charged events are more vividly stored in memory. This link exists for both extraordinarily painful and joyful memories alike.
When we talk about “trauma,” we’re talking about an emotional or psychological response to a distressing event or experience. It’s not necessarily the event itself that’s traumatic but rather the way it impacts a person’s sense of safety, stability, or identity. Trauma often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, helpless, or disconnected from themselves or others.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
Music has been shown to activate our limbic system, the part of our brain most responsible for memories and emotions. Listening to music, making music, and playing music have been shown to alleviate stress, discomfort, and some symptoms of mental health disorders such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. When we hear familiar songs, even just a few notes, we are instantly transported back to a memory, a time in our lives, when those sounds and lyrics played a part.
Metaphors have a powerful ability to illustrate abstract ideas. I absolutely love using metaphors with clients to discuss more complex human experiences in order to add a visual and contextual layer from which to understand these experiences, most often being our relationship to our thoughts and emotions. Unsurprisingly, many of the metaphors I use relate to nature, which I view as the ultimate teacher.
In my practice as a therapist, I’ve worked with clients who present a wide variety of symptoms and challenges. Over time, I’ve noticed one valuable intervention come up and prove effective time and time again for all of these symptoms and challenges: grounding techniques.
At some point in your pursuit of caring for your mental health, you may have stumbled across the words “Somatic Therapy” or “Somatic Experiencing.” While this approach is widely used, it often leaves therapy-seekers curious about its definition and importance. So, what does it really mean to engage in somatic therapy, and how is it helpful?
The phrase “bids for connection” was coined by husband and wife couples therapy powerhouse Julie and John Gottman. A “bid for connection” is any attempt for connection made by one person to another. These bids can be verbal, non-verbal, overt, or covert. We make countless bids for connection throughout our days within all of our relationships. For this blog post, we are going to focus on how this applies to our romantic relationships.
You’re lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, watching the clock tick, and you start counting the hours of sleep and panicking about the next day if you don’t fall asleep this very second. Is this a familiar experience to you? I know it is for me. All my life, I’ve self-described as “a bad sleeper.” I struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, and wake up feeling energized. After years of trying different techniques with minimal success, I was introduced to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I).
