For those in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic tendencies or NPD – whether a parent, partner, or close friend – the experience can feel captivating, destabilizing, and difficult to navigate. Long-term relationships with these individuals can leave a profound and long-lasting effect.
We’ve all been there—stuck in the same old argument that keeps resurfacing no matter how hard you try to move past it. Maybe it starts over something small, like chores, but it spirals into something much bigger, leaving both of you feeling hurt and disconnected. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. These recurring arguments can leave even the most loving couples feeling stuck. The good news? Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you break the cycle.
The truth is, therapy isn’t just about processing crises; it’s also a space for exploration, reflection, and growth. And if you’re not sure where to start, that’s okay!
Through my work as a therapist and within my personal life, I’ve witnessed the pressure of society’s beauty standards, and how it can greatly impact someone’s self-esteem and body image. While this experience is fairly common, there is a difference between temporary dissatisfaction with your appearance and a diagnosis. For someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), this preoccupation can take over your daily life, leading to a constant loop of anxiety, self-doubt, and shame.
Imagine your emotional state as existing within a window. When you're within this window, you can think clearly, make rational decisions, and feel in control of your emotions. This state allows you to handle daily stresses without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. It’s where we experience a balance between our sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) nervous systems. This is your window of tolerance.
For those in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic tendencies or NPD – whether a parent, partner, or close friend – the experience can feel captivating, destabilizing, and difficult to navigate. Long-term relationships with these individuals can leave a profound and long-lasting effect.
We’ve all been there—stuck in the same old argument that keeps resurfacing no matter how hard you try to move past it. Maybe it starts over something small, like chores, but it spirals into something much bigger, leaving both of you feeling hurt and disconnected. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. These recurring arguments can leave even the most loving couples feeling stuck. The good news? Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you break the cycle.
In movies and TV shows, we are exposed to fictional therapists who play a major or minor role in character development and plot. We have met therapists on the screen who are better than others, some representing more accurately the actual therapist-client relationship and some feeling completely unethical.
In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can become easy to lose sight of one of the most fundamental aspects of our human nature—social connection. As social creatures, we are biologically wired to connect with one another, create strong bonds, and form lasting relationships.
I often use Gottman’s Sound Marital House as a framework to help couples build strong, healthy relationships. This theory breaks down into several key components that can enhance connection and resilience. One skill that stands out to me is Shared Fondness and Admiration, which involves openly expressing appreciation and respect for your partner (or friend).
The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.
Are you and your partner stuck in gridlock on an issue that never seems to get resolved? No matter how many times you’ve tried to make headway, neither of you can discuss the matter calmly, often ending up feeling frustrated and defeated. Researcher Dr. John Gottman describes these issues as perpetual problems within relationships—recurring issues without a clear solution or endpoint, leading to ongoing disagreement or tension. Perpetual problems stem from fundamental differences between partners, such as personalities, beliefs, priorities, upbringing, or values, which can be deeply ingrained and resistant to change. Dr. Gottman’s extensive relationship research suggests that approximately 69% of relationship problems are perpetual.
Instead of solely focusing on initiating sex, prioritize building emotional intimacy through positive interactions, including non-sexual affection. By allowing sexual arousal to naturally emerge from the playful, fun experiences that you’re both enjoying - laughing, talking, hugging, kissing, flirting - you can build a more satisfying bond without the agenda of having sex. In the midst of hanging out and having fun, your responsive desire partner may start to get aroused.
