For those in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic tendencies or NPD – whether a parent, partner, or close friend – the experience can feel captivating, destabilizing, and difficult to navigate. Long-term relationships with these individuals can leave a profound and long-lasting effect.
We’ve all been there—stuck in the same old argument that keeps resurfacing no matter how hard you try to move past it. Maybe it starts over something small, like chores, but it spirals into something much bigger, leaving both of you feeling hurt and disconnected. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. These recurring arguments can leave even the most loving couples feeling stuck. The good news? Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you break the cycle.
The truth is, therapy isn’t just about processing crises; it’s also a space for exploration, reflection, and growth. And if you’re not sure where to start, that’s okay!
Through my work as a therapist and within my personal life, I’ve witnessed the pressure of society’s beauty standards, and how it can greatly impact someone’s self-esteem and body image. While this experience is fairly common, there is a difference between temporary dissatisfaction with your appearance and a diagnosis. For someone with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), this preoccupation can take over your daily life, leading to a constant loop of anxiety, self-doubt, and shame.
Imagine your emotional state as existing within a window. When you're within this window, you can think clearly, make rational decisions, and feel in control of your emotions. This state allows you to handle daily stresses without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down. It’s where we experience a balance between our sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) nervous systems. This is your window of tolerance.
The “rupture-repair cycle” is a crucial part of any relationship. As much as we don’t mean to, we sometimes hurt and let down the people we care about. There is some inevitability to this (though we should try to minimize it as much as possible!) but the repair after a rupture creates an opportunity for growth and reconnection.
It’s understandable to feel worried and confused about shifts in your relationship, especially when it comes to your intimacy and desire. Feeling like you're the one who always initiates sex, only to face rejection or reluctance from your partner, can lead to feelings of insecurity, frustration, and even loneliness. It's natural to crave that connection and validation from your partner, and when it feels like it's slipping away, it can leave you feeling lost and unfulfilled.
There is so much complexity in relating to others’ experiences while effectively relaying our own experience! One of the most powerful practices I’ve adopted and shared with my clients is the art of holding two truths at one.
Let’s first acknowledge that talking openly about sex with our partner(s) involves some vulnerability and discomfort. However, having open conversations about sex is crucial for creating a healthier and more satisfying relationship. As much as we try to convince ourselves, humans are not capable of mind-reading, so the first step to having the sexual relationship we crave is by talking about it. We can’t get what we want without saying we want it!
Open communication is the backbone of all relationships, and this is especially crucial in a long-distance relationship. When you’re in different physical places, it can feel like you’re living two separate lives unless the communication is open and consistent.
Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals downplay their accomplishments, skills, or talents, and suffer persistent fear that they will be exposed as a ‘fraud’ despite having clear evidence of their competence
Fundamental attribution error refers to the tendency people have to attribute another’s actions to their characteristics or personality and attribute their own behavior to external situational factors outside of their control.
We all want to feel valid in our experience—and for our partner to acknowledge it.
As a therapist, one of the most effective tools I teach couples is how to practice validation.
Once they start actively strengthening their validation muscle, emotional security can be nurtured. This is because validation in a relationship increases trust, strengthens empathy, and creates space for vulnerability.
One of my favorite stages in a relationship is what I call the “couch stage.” You’ve been together for enough time now that every hangout doesn’t have to be planned and you can spend a day (or days…) just relaxing on the couch together feeling that sense of comfort and safety. For so many of us, that sense of security and safety is so relieving that it feels tempting to stay in that cozy bubble forever, not letting anything in that could threaten that experience.
