During times of despair, this poem has provided me comfort, and I hope it will give you some comfort too. Sending love to all my friends who have lost their homes in the Woolesly Fire.
"Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver
Starting Therapy
11 signs it’s time to start therapy
Claudia* was 23 and had her first post-college boyfriend. She felt the pressures of that bizarre, early 20-something time, when she no longer had the structure and clear purpose of college guiding her actions. She had her first full-time job and first full-time live-in boyfriend. And she found herself getting upset about, well, everything. Everything he did made her mad. It was like they were in a constant fight. She felt sad and angry all the time and could not figure out where this was coming from. She always had positive, close relationships with her girlfriends and from what she could tell, a happy healthy upbringing and family. So why did she feel like such a mess in her relationship?
Money Psychology
Got Money Baggage? We all do. Welcome, friend.
I have a secret. My secret is a complicated one. It’s related to an issue that comes with so many confusing feelings and stories old and new. It has deep roots in culture, history, gender dynamics, and more. Years ago I would never have admitted to this secret because it may've meant being judged by others as superficial, shallow, greedy, and even evil. But, today I feel different. Today I can proudly admit to my evil secret. And it’s this:
What are you noticing now?
For any client or practitioner of EMDR, you are no stranger to this question. The question “What are you noticing now?” is at the fulcrum of EMDR therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. The present-moment focus of EMDR couples beautifully with Mindfulness: a continual refocusing of your attention on the present moment. In Mindfulness, we recognize that we have stories about our past that loop, narratives in our mind that play like a tape over and over again. We worry about the future. And this is all leads to dukkha, or suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.
Is EMDR for me?
Whats the deal with EMDR? People in the field of trauma treatment are buzzing about it. My clients are both intrigued and confused by it, and even more intrigued when it actually works. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. Forgive my metaphor, but imagine taking a toilet plunger and unclogging the toilet of your mind. Gross? Yes. Effective? Heck yes!
You might be wondering, is EMDR for me?
Be Where Your Feet Are
A client I’ve been working with has been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks in a high demand job with very high burnout potential. This week she came in and said that she has been panic attack free for 2 weeks and feeling so much better. One of the ways she started to feel better is that she shed light on a dark spot within her by opening up to her partner about something from her past. This released her from the shame of her past and also allowed her to let go of it.
The other way that she attributes to feeling better is coming across the quote “Be where your feet are” from a podcast she was listening to. She said that the awareness of her feet and where they are in space was such a great reminder of keeping a present-moment awareness.
Fall: Light from Within
The change of season from Summer to Fall is one of my favorites. In the summertime, I come out to play. More hours of sunshine and longer days means my night owl, which is usually asleep, wakes up for a few warm months and wants to play in the sand, have margaritas at sunset, and dance under the moonlight.
As we move towards the fall, the days get shorter, there are less hours of sunlight, and more hours of moonlight. As it becomes lighter earlier, I find myself turning inwards. I want to get in bed at 9:30 and read Brene Brown. I want to light palo santo and journal each morning with a cup of hot lemon water. I come back to my meditation practice, left behind in the warm playful summer months. I sit in silence and watch my own thoughts. I slow down as I am tasked with creating light from within. I prepare warm nourishing foods for myself at home, and come back to my yoga practice.
Self-Care
As a relationship counselor, my passion is helping individuals, couples, and families to heal through healthy relationships. Relationships can come in many forms; most obviously, our relationships with our romantic partners, our families, our friends and coworkers. Other layers of relationships include the relationship to our Self (the most fundamental and important relationship of all); our relationship to work; to self-care; food; alcohol; drugs; sex; exercise, etc.
Addiction Therapy
Do I drink too much?
The most important relationship to nurture and attend to is the one with ourselves. With everything we are balancing in our lives like work, friends, family, kids, exercise, healthy eating, etc, it can feel like extra work to have to also show up for ourselves at the end of the day. Many of us turn to a glass (or two, or three) of wine in the evenings, to take the edge off, to come down softly on a Friday evening, to get that feeling of escape or relief from the dense forest that our mind can feel like at times.