We talk about attachment a lot when it comes to romantic relationships. But for many women, some of our deepest attachment wounds - and some of our most powerful healing - live inside our friendships.
People often come to therapy because they are struggling with anger. They describe snapping at a partner, feeling constantly irritated, or reacting in ways that feel disproportionate to the situation.
When we think about goals, we often default to familiar categories: working out more, eating differently, and being more productive. These can be meaningful goals, but they tend to fall apart when they’re too vague or disconnected from who we actually are.
You've probably heard of PTSD — It tends to be discussed in connection with a specific, overwhelming event, something clearly identifiable that the nervous system struggles to recover from. Complex PTSD (or C-PTSD) is chronic and talked about less often, even though it affects many people whose experiences don’t fit that single-event narrative.
When we experience disappointing responses to our efforts, it’s tempting to make that mean something about how unskilled we are, how incompetent we must be, or even how unlovable or undeserving of a person we feel we are. We tell ourselves a story that if we had just worked a little harder, or said the right thing, or “mastered” the extremely simple art of toasting toast, then we would receive a more favorable response and thus, feel better about ourselves.
How to get your honey to listen—and actually understand—what you are saying.
How many times have you had the feeling that even though your honey was listening to you, they weren’t actually hearing you? How would you like to learn the secret to effective communication so that you can feel both heard AND understood?
Join us on Thursday November 29th from 7-9 PM in Playa Vista, CA, in our Women & Money workshop to learn about how women can empower themselves with money, take control of their finances, and protect themselves from the common trap of letting someone else handle the money. This is the first in a series of workshops about money and the only one that is exclusively for women. We don’t know if we will be holding this workshop again, so don’t wait for the next one.
During times of despair, this poem has provided me comfort, and I hope it will give you some comfort too. Sending love to all my friends who have lost their homes in the Woolesly Fire.
11 signs it’s time to start therapy
Claudia* was 23 and had her first post-college boyfriend. She felt the pressures of that bizarre, early 20-something time, when she no longer had the structure and clear purpose of college guiding her actions. She had her first full-time job and first full-time live-in boyfriend. And she found herself getting upset about, well, everything. Everything he did made her mad. It was like they were in a constant fight. She felt sad and angry all the time and could not figure out where this was coming from. She always had positive, close relationships with her girlfriends and from what she could tell, a happy healthy upbringing and family. So why did she feel like such a mess in her relationship?
Got Money Baggage? We all do. Welcome, friend.
I have a secret. My secret is a complicated one. It’s related to an issue that comes with so many confusing feelings and stories old and new. It has deep roots in culture, history, gender dynamics, and more. Years ago I would never have admitted to this secret because it may've meant being judged by others as superficial, shallow, greedy, and even evil. But, today I feel different. Today I can proudly admit to my evil secret. And it’s this:
For any client or practitioner of EMDR, you are no stranger to this question. The question “What are you noticing now?” is at the fulcrum of EMDR therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. The present-moment focus of EMDR couples beautifully with Mindfulness: a continual refocusing of your attention on the present moment. In Mindfulness, we recognize that we have stories about our past that loop, narratives in our mind that play like a tape over and over again. We worry about the future. And this is all leads to dukkha, or suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.
Whats the deal with EMDR? People in the field of trauma treatment are buzzing about it. My clients are both intrigued and confused by it, and even more intrigued when it actually works. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. Forgive my metaphor, but imagine taking a toilet plunger and unclogging the toilet of your mind. Gross? Yes. Effective? Heck yes!
You might be wondering, is EMDR for me?
A client I’ve been working with has been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks in a high demand job with very high burnout potential. This week she came in and said that she has been panic attack free for 2 weeks and feeling so much better. One of the ways she started to feel better is that she shed light on a dark spot within her by opening up to her partner about something from her past. This released her from the shame of her past and also allowed her to let go of it.
The other way that she attributes to feeling better is coming across the quote “Be where your feet are” from a podcast she was listening to. She said that the awareness of her feet and where they are in space was such a great reminder of keeping a present-moment awareness.
The change of season from Summer to Fall is one of my favorites. In the summertime, I come out to play. More hours of sunshine and longer days means my night owl, which is usually asleep, wakes up for a few warm months and wants to play in the sand, have margaritas at sunset, and dance under the moonlight.
As we move towards the fall, the days get shorter, there are less hours of sunlight, and more hours of moonlight. As it becomes lighter earlier, I find myself turning inwards. I want to get in bed at 9:30 and read Brene Brown. I want to light palo santo and journal each morning with a cup of hot lemon water. I come back to my meditation practice, left behind in the warm playful summer months. I sit in silence and watch my own thoughts. I slow down as I am tasked with creating light from within. I prepare warm nourishing foods for myself at home, and come back to my yoga practice.
