The importance of validation is something I emphasize with couples as it creates a dynamic based on understanding rather than score-keeping or proving right and wrong. In an emotionally charged conversation, it's common for individuals to focus primarily on their own emotional experience instead of their partner’s. Rather than listening to what the other person is saying, we may be thinking about our own response.
A common struggle for many of my clients in their 20s is navigating friendships. This includes friendship conflicts, growing apart, reassessing the closeness of the friendship, and defining what types of friendships feel fulfilling in which ones feel draining. In these conversations, we explore the importance of flexibility in friendships and why it becomes so much more pertinent during this life stage.
I have thought through every situation from every possible angle my brain can come up with and analyzed so much of my life and experience that it often feels exhausting. This “self-awareness” can start to feel incredibly frustrating when I have some understanding, yet I still find myself in familiar patterns or generally not feeling better. If this description sounds familiar to you, you might be intellectualizing your feelings vs. actually feeling them.
I recently stumbled upon the concept of animal chronotypes, which can be used to describe our personality traits based on our natural tendencies in social interactions and behavior. While these archetypes are often linked to sleep habits, they’re also super helpful for understanding how we connect with others. Each chronotype has its own unique traits and ways of navigating relationships.
We were discussing a painful experience, and I was once again struck and inspired by their resilience. In this situation, I found a way to express this sentiment in the moment. However, there are many instances where sharing in the moment might not be the most therapeutic response. Even when I don’t vocalize it, I want my clients to know I carry these feelings and this care with me. Reflecting on this, I began to consider all the things I wish my clients knew about me, about the therapeutic relationship, and the process.
Virtual Therapy + Flexible Schedule + Resources That Are Helping Me Right Now
I am committed to supporting you and continuing to provide access to mental health services, which I believe are essential at this critical and scary time. I am offering virtual therapy—both video and phone sessions— so that I can continue to provide mental health care to individuals and couples seeking to release painful patterns from their past.
Are you dealing with chronic pain and seeking out ways to manage it without opiates and other pain meds? A recent study came out confirming that Opiod medication is not useful for chronic back or joint pain. In my years as a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, I have encountered many clients dealing with chronic pain issues. Read more to learn about opiate-free methods of treating chronic pain.
How to get your honey to listen—and actually understand—what you are saying.
How many times have you had the feeling that even though your honey was listening to you, they weren’t actually hearing you? How would you like to learn the secret to effective communication so that you can feel both heard AND understood?
Join us on Thursday November 29th from 7-9 PM in Playa Vista, CA, in our Women & Money workshop to learn about how women can empower themselves with money, take control of their finances, and protect themselves from the common trap of letting someone else handle the money. This is the first in a series of workshops about money and the only one that is exclusively for women. We don’t know if we will be holding this workshop again, so don’t wait for the next one.
During times of despair, this poem has provided me comfort, and I hope it will give you some comfort too. Sending love to all my friends who have lost their homes in the Woolesly Fire.
11 signs it’s time to start therapy
Claudia* was 23 and had her first post-college boyfriend. She felt the pressures of that bizarre, early 20-something time, when she no longer had the structure and clear purpose of college guiding her actions. She had her first full-time job and first full-time live-in boyfriend. And she found herself getting upset about, well, everything. Everything he did made her mad. It was like they were in a constant fight. She felt sad and angry all the time and could not figure out where this was coming from. She always had positive, close relationships with her girlfriends and from what she could tell, a happy healthy upbringing and family. So why did she feel like such a mess in her relationship?
Got Money Baggage? We all do. Welcome, friend.
I have a secret. My secret is a complicated one. It’s related to an issue that comes with so many confusing feelings and stories old and new. It has deep roots in culture, history, gender dynamics, and more. Years ago I would never have admitted to this secret because it may've meant being judged by others as superficial, shallow, greedy, and even evil. But, today I feel different. Today I can proudly admit to my evil secret. And it’s this:
For any client or practitioner of EMDR, you are no stranger to this question. The question “What are you noticing now?” is at the fulcrum of EMDR therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. The present-moment focus of EMDR couples beautifully with Mindfulness: a continual refocusing of your attention on the present moment. In Mindfulness, we recognize that we have stories about our past that loop, narratives in our mind that play like a tape over and over again. We worry about the future. And this is all leads to dukkha, or suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.
Whats the deal with EMDR? People in the field of trauma treatment are buzzing about it. My clients are both intrigued and confused by it, and even more intrigued when it actually works. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. Forgive my metaphor, but imagine taking a toilet plunger and unclogging the toilet of your mind. Gross? Yes. Effective? Heck yes!
You might be wondering, is EMDR for me?
