When a big life change happens seemingly overnight, even something positive, your body is often left behind and needs a chance to catch up. Sometimes, life changes before our identity can.
We talk about attachment a lot when it comes to romantic relationships. But for many women, some of our deepest attachment wounds - and some of our most powerful healing - live inside our friendships.
People often come to therapy because they are struggling with anger. They describe snapping at a partner, feeling constantly irritated, or reacting in ways that feel disproportionate to the situation.
When we think about goals, we often default to familiar categories: working out more, eating differently, and being more productive. These can be meaningful goals, but they tend to fall apart when they’re too vague or disconnected from who we actually are.
You've probably heard of PTSD — It tends to be discussed in connection with a specific, overwhelming event, something clearly identifiable that the nervous system struggles to recover from. Complex PTSD (or C-PTSD) is chronic and talked about less often, even though it affects many people whose experiences don’t fit that single-event narrative.
Got Money Baggage? We all do. Welcome, friend.
I have a secret. My secret is a complicated one. It’s related to an issue that comes with so many confusing feelings and stories old and new. It has deep roots in culture, history, gender dynamics, and more. Years ago I would never have admitted to this secret because it may've meant being judged by others as superficial, shallow, greedy, and even evil. But, today I feel different. Today I can proudly admit to my evil secret. And it’s this:
For any client or practitioner of EMDR, you are no stranger to this question. The question “What are you noticing now?” is at the fulcrum of EMDR therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. The present-moment focus of EMDR couples beautifully with Mindfulness: a continual refocusing of your attention on the present moment. In Mindfulness, we recognize that we have stories about our past that loop, narratives in our mind that play like a tape over and over again. We worry about the future. And this is all leads to dukkha, or suffering, the First Noble Truth of Buddhism.
Whats the deal with EMDR? People in the field of trauma treatment are buzzing about it. My clients are both intrigued and confused by it, and even more intrigued when it actually works. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a therapy treatment which reprocesses memories that became stuck in our brains and bodies during the trauma. Forgive my metaphor, but imagine taking a toilet plunger and unclogging the toilet of your mind. Gross? Yes. Effective? Heck yes!
You might be wondering, is EMDR for me?
A client I’ve been working with has been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks in a high demand job with very high burnout potential. This week she came in and said that she has been panic attack free for 2 weeks and feeling so much better. One of the ways she started to feel better is that she shed light on a dark spot within her by opening up to her partner about something from her past. This released her from the shame of her past and also allowed her to let go of it.
The other way that she attributes to feeling better is coming across the quote “Be where your feet are” from a podcast she was listening to. She said that the awareness of her feet and where they are in space was such a great reminder of keeping a present-moment awareness.
The change of season from Summer to Fall is one of my favorites. In the summertime, I come out to play. More hours of sunshine and longer days means my night owl, which is usually asleep, wakes up for a few warm months and wants to play in the sand, have margaritas at sunset, and dance under the moonlight.
As we move towards the fall, the days get shorter, there are less hours of sunlight, and more hours of moonlight. As it becomes lighter earlier, I find myself turning inwards. I want to get in bed at 9:30 and read Brene Brown. I want to light palo santo and journal each morning with a cup of hot lemon water. I come back to my meditation practice, left behind in the warm playful summer months. I sit in silence and watch my own thoughts. I slow down as I am tasked with creating light from within. I prepare warm nourishing foods for myself at home, and come back to my yoga practice.
As a relationship counselor, my passion is helping individuals, couples, and families to heal through healthy relationships. Relationships can come in many forms; most obviously, our relationships with our romantic partners, our families, our friends and coworkers. Other layers of relationships include the relationship to our Self (the most fundamental and important relationship of all); our relationship to work; to self-care; food; alcohol; drugs; sex; exercise, etc.
Do I drink too much?
The most important relationship to nurture and attend to is the one with ourselves. With everything we are balancing in our lives like work, friends, family, kids, exercise, healthy eating, etc, it can feel like extra work to have to also show up for ourselves at the end of the day. Many of us turn to a glass (or two, or three) of wine in the evenings, to take the edge off, to come down softly on a Friday evening, to get that feeling of escape or relief from the dense forest that our mind can feel like at times.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) is an evidenced- based treatment that has been shown to significantly reduce depression and anxiety which may be contributing to problems in your relationships. Frequently, couples come in to session making broad generalizations about one another: “You never listen!” “You always forget to take out the trash”, “Your work is more important to you than I am!” We then infer meaning from such generalizations such as “You don't love me enough,” “You are losing interest" or “You don't understand me.”
What is healthy communication? How do I know if my partner and I are communicating effectively?
While many of us consider ourselves to be “good listeners”, the truth is that many of us do not really listen. The skill of Active Listening can move you and your beloved lightyears forward in your ability to communicate effectively with one another. This series of entries will introduce various tips to improve active listening skills in your relationship.
